At work after an amazing Chicago Tuesday night with friends from NYC. The Hang Uppe’s and the Admiral Theatre were prominently involved and booze is still coming out of the marrow of my bones. Never ever thought I would contemplate moving to New York, but after a night with Capano and Corrine I am extremely motivated to write a book, get rich and kill the Big Apple. The sad (or great) thing is that my love for Jay Cutler and Lance Briggs is really the only thing keeping me in Chicago. On to the recap of the show that along with Chucky makes Monday bearable, The Vogs comments are in italics……………
I thought this episode sucks. I wish Lily would have blown Scott’s brains out and Chuck and Blair take care of the body so that story line never returns again. I used to love Georgina, but she has stopped being fun or interesting except for one of the greatest lines ever uttered on the show see below for details. Hopefully the fact that we were able to wrap up some of the worthless story lines will allow the writers to give back Chuck his balls and Blair her brains. They could do a lot more with the male characters, but I think because the audience is probably 85% female, they are unwilling to cut them loose.
At least Evil Georgina is back and we finally don’t have to worry about any more dramatic build up with “what will happen when Lily and Rufus find out Scott is their son?” Duh duh dunnnn. Also I was overjoyed to see Dorota wearing floral prints and a large hat. That almost made up for the ridiculousness involving how many kids Lily and Rufus actually have now. Think about it, they are now the technical parents of Dan, Serena, Eric, Jenny, Chuck, and Scott. That’s 6 out of 9 characters on the show. Maybe in season 4 the writers will find a way for the Van der Woodsen clan to adopt Blair, Vanessa and Nate, but let’s not put any ideas in their heads. On to the recap!
Serena
I actually thought they did a nice job not forcing Serena down our throats this episode. Even though Serena is the most selfish character on the show, getting Rufus and Lily back together fits because she is a hopeless romantic (or a world class slut if you are cynic). Plus 10.
There is no way she wouldn’t have flipped out on Dan for dating a movie star though. I know she is a big free love booster, but come on petty jealous outweighs moral righteousness. Minus 2
Blair
Minus 5. Blair is the least manipulative chick on this episode. Even Vanessa was more entertaining and devious. Oh thank god, looks like I spoke too soon. She teamed up with her loyal partner in crime Dorota for a good old fashioned Georgina take down. Plus 5 so even.
I agree that it was nice to Blair getting the better of Georgina, but it wasn’t set up at all and came across as an easy way out. I HATE LAZY WRITING. Minus 3.
The lack of sex between her and Chuck is becoming distracting. Minus 2. Her hating Bree Buckley and making anti-Texas jokes is exactly what sheltered northeast kids do. I hate it in real life, found it funny coming out of her mouth. Exes always hate the new (and all future) squeeze. Plus 5. If you are a Friday Night Lights fan, Bree Buckley dropped some amazing references. I NEED SOME ERIC TAYLOR IN MY LIFE IMMEDIATELY. I have been reduced to listening to Simmons 30 for 30 podcast with Peter Berg to get some insight. I am waiting until it airs on NBC, but will absolutely be doing a recap when it airs.
Chuck
Even though Chuck is still in love with Blair in this episode and being “the good boyfriend”, he wins points for his amazing bedroom scene giving her a hard core massage. I can get over my longing for “bad ass drunk Chuck” just as long as he partakes in some sort of interaction that I can fantasize being a part of. Plus 20.
I hate what they are doing to him, I can’t even write about it because it just makes me too mad.
They need to bring back Jack Bass and start focusing on Chuck’s business. He is above all this petty b.s. with Blair. They need to break them up again.
Nate
Plus 2 for the fact that Nate gets used constantly, this time by Bree to get to Carter. That pretty face is really only good for one thing, so stop pouting in the corner and just own it.
I’ll give them a pass for not capitializing on Nate’s breakout in last episode because the preview for next week looks tremendous. But Vogler is right, Nate makes a good dupe. Plus 5. You have to risk it with hot rich chicks that let you bang them out for an entire weekend.
Dan
What the hell is this weird computer that Dan is using to communicate with Olivia? From what I gather, all he’s using it for is to text. Does he not realize that they now have convenient pocket sized devices for that these days. And they are also useful for checking email and making phone calls. Minus 2. Or maybe this is one of those new high tech gadgets that are awarded as prizes on the Real World Road Rules Challenge. In that case I’m totally not in the loop, and Minus another 2 cause I should know since I also watch “The Ruins.”
Gossip Girl is terrible with the product tie-ins, they hit you with them like a shovel to the face. So the computer scene Vogs is referencing is completely consistent, Plus 3. No guy is intimidated by Orlando Bloom, he looks like a tool and plays a tool in all of his movies. I would let him house sit even if I had a super hot nympho girlfriend. Plus 10.
Vanessa
How on earth does Vanessa know that Scott “takes the chinatown bus to get back to Boston.” First of all, they only dated for a week and she’s acting like they had a long distance relationship for over a year where she would be justified in knowing his travel preferences and habits. Second, there are about 27 different ways to make this commute, 13 of them being various bus routes, knowing he’s on the Chinatown bus is way too specific. And lastly, anyone who takes the bus to get to Boston prefers to take the Bolt Bus because its only $1 and has WiFi. Minus 10.
TOO MUCH VANESSA. Minus 25. She is a supporting character and needs to remain one.
Jenny
Does jenny not understand the concept of a wedding dress? It’s supposed to be white, not magenta. Plus 5, because that’s actually in character for her during her current “hippie rebellious phase,” which is also playing out in her long tie-die skirts and greasy hair.
Jenny wins the award for biggest swing in attractiveness from one episode to the next. Shockingly hot at the movie premiere, dog ugly in this entire episode. And this is coming from a guy who has a sick attraction to goth chicks. Lily or Eric would have stomped out this trend within 5 minutes. Minus 25
Georgina
Georgina doesn’t even gesture to try and cover Scott with her umbrella and he’s stuck in the pouring rain. But yes, let’s go buy him a tie. That will make him perfectly prepared for the wedding. She is an evil chick isn’t she! Plus 1.
“What does it mean when a guy used to grab your ass and now he doesn’t” Plus 100. Glad she is gone for now, but loved that line.
Good point Steve, that was a phenominal line, and so true. Girls can always tell that something is wrong with a boy when they make just the slightest change in their sexual behavior.
Lilly
Didn’t Lily already have the baby (in real life)? What is she covering with Birkin bags now? Minus 3 because even though Kelly Rutherford was having a messy divorce, she would still find time for a personal trainer.
The Constance girls are planning the wedding? Doesn’t Lily have money? Why does she need to hire students and Dorota? Minus 5. And Jenny is designing the wedding dress. As if Lily didn’t already have options lined up from Vera, Oscar, and Monique. (Very girly reference yes, but I can’t help myself. Steve can talk football I can talk clothes)
Since when does Lily have hesitations about getting married? Can’t she just say some vows, exchange a ring, kiss the dude and get divorced a few weeks later like she did with the multiple Klaus’s? Minus 10.
Rufus
Why is Rufus sleeping on the couch? First of all I totally didnt realize that he was having trouble with Lily, and even if he was, why isn’t he sleeping in one of their 7 guest rooms? Minus 2.
To Lily “You’ve done the fancy wedding thing multiple times, don’t you want to do something more “us”?” and by “us” he clearly means him right? No way in hell Lily isn’t wearing oodles of pearls and diamonds to her 47th wedding. Does he not know her at all? Plus 7, because he is so in denial.
Lily and Rufus end up getting married in Brooklyn. Yes I have heard that the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are quite impressive, but still, it’s Brooklyn. I wonder who’s suggestion that was? Plus 5 for the potential for one of her husbands to get his way once in a while!
Rufus was the frontman for one of the ten most underrated bands of the 90s, Lincoln Hawk. He wrote and sang the greatest song of all time, Everytime. But he acts like a kept loser. Minus 30. Was watching U-571 a couple days ago (way underrated) and Rufus gets shot in the movie. You're kidding yourself if you don't think I broke out the chorus of Everytime.
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