Top Movies of 2009

I have been told that the Clooney vehicle with the chick from the Departed and the director from Thank You for Smoking is the best movie of 2009. I haven’t seen it yet but if it is great, I will let you know. But I have seen three movies this year this year that will make my top 10 of the decade, the Hangover, Inglorious Basterds, and Billy Corben’s 30 for 30 Doc on “The U”. I want to promote these films and tell everyone to get them in their nextflix que immediately. (Gladiator, which came out in 2000, is by far the best movie of the zeroes. And there is a better than 50/50 chance that the Ridley Scott/Crowe team is making the best movie of the teens with Robin Hood)

3. The Hangover

I bet you have seen this already, but it is extremely rewatchable. I saw it 3 times in the theaters, the second time I dragged my parents to see it after a margarita infused dinner at On The Border. Now Big Steve and Julie watch Community religiously because of Dr. Ken. A great group friends in search of awesomeness; buoyed by love, loyalty and brotherhood will always be the basis for a great flick.

2. Inglorious Basterds

Tarantino made the best movie of the 90s with Pulp Fiction, and Reservoir Dogs is in the Top 8. But his latest movie while following the exact same formula (ensemble cast, short stories that come together), introduced us to one of the greatest characters in the history of fiction. Hans Landa, the Jew Hunter, joins the following (I am sure I have missed a few) Steve-o’s Hall of Fame of Male Fictional Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Long John Silver, Brett Maverick, Capt. Steve Hilts and Lt. Hendley, Jay Gatesby, Jake Barnes, Captain Ahab, Jason Bourne, Captain Hook, Philip Marlowe, Rick Blaine, Quint and Martin Brody, Han Solo and Darth Vader, Roy Hobbs, Huck Finn, Indiana Jones, Maximus, Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh, John McLane, Maverick (Pete Mitchell) Tom Kasanski (Iceman) and Nick Bradshaw (Goose), John Crees, Andy Dufresne, Casey Rybeck, Michael Patrick “Guns” Donovan, Sean Thorton, The Joker, Martin Brody, Ebby Calvin Laloosh, Stefen Djordevic, Tim and Billy Riggins, Buddy Garrity, Matt Saracen, Eric Taylor, Tony Stark, Don Draper and Roger Sterling, Tony Soprano and Christopher Moltisanti, George Costantza and Cosmo Kramer, Jack Bauer, and Dexter Morgan.

1. Billy Corben’s ESPN 30 for 30 documentary “The U”

By far the greatest film of 2009, Billy Corben’s retrospective on the Miami Hurricane football program from 1983-1993 is 2 hours (with commercials) that everyone alive should see immediately. It is the story of the greatest American revolution since 1776. A football team for an entire decade spit in the face of an establishment that was dead from the inside out.

The theme of my high school freshman English class was the idea that “Might makes Right” and “History is Written by the Winners”, and since it was a public school they tried to debunk this theory. But anyone with a brain realizes that this world is governed by the successful use of aggressive force. This upstart program out of South Florida, cultivated the athletic talent that was a much of a natural resource as oil is to the Saudi, quickly established a reign of terror over the world of college football. Here are the top ten moments of the flick off the top of my head…….

10. Tad Foote (Dean Wormer) talking about his love for the athletic programs, while Double J looks at him with hate from the marrow of his bones.

9. Lamar Thomas speaking about manipulating his women being more important than winning the national championship, because he knew they were going to win

8. The Cal Game

7. Dennis Erickson, at his first team meeting after taking over for Double J, being ordered to “not fucking touch the defense.”

6. At the Cotton Bowl against Texas after winning the coin toss, the ref asked Jerome Brown if they want to “kick or receive”, his answer…”WE THE BOSS”. The ref gave them ball.

5. Steve Walsh is going out to dinner and he runs into a bunch of his teammates in ski masks over their heads and paper bags (conceals guns) over their hands, he asks them, “what is going on?” The answer he gets is …. “going to get some stereos.”

4. Melvin Bratton and the Defense calling all of the Sooners the night before the Orange Bowl and taunting them.

3. Michael Irvin having to be convinced not to fight an entire gang for disrespecting his teammate, he stopped only after being told that “those dudes are real life killers.”

2. Randal Hill at the Cotton Bowl against Texas

1. Jerome Brown at the Fiesta Bowl against Penn State (Did the Japanese sit down with Pearl Harbor?)

Profile in Awesome: Publix

As the snow steadily falls up here on the north shore of Chicago, my mind drifts constantly to memories of happier/warmer times. The back porch of the delta house, the front porch of third Flow, the third base line at Wrigley, Chesney concerts, tailgates at Carter-Finley and in Death Valley, etc. are all places that flood my memory on a daily basis. But I am no longer enrolled in Davidson, the college football season is basically over, and summer in Chicago won’t arrive for another six months. I do have an oasis of summer warmth and college friends that is only a few mouse clicks away, Orlando, FL.

Orlando is where The Weekend and Six grew up and still reside, so I annually snap in the middle of winter and tell Orbitz to take to me from O’Hare to Florida. I love everything about Florida: the brotherhood, sun, cheap booze, hot blondes in tight shorts, pools, the beach, etc. But the hidden treasure of the sunshine state is the grocery store chain, Publix.

There is nothing bad and everything great about Publix. Great variety, happy checkout ladies and helpful stock and counter people, there are always attractive women buying booze, great sandwiches and excellent BBQ and tailgate supplies. It is the greatest shopping experience of all time and always guaranteed to put you in a good mood.

Six’s friend John said that Publix in Tallahassee was known as Club Publix because it was the greatest pick up place at Florida State. Because contrary to popular belief its Publix, not Disney World, that is the happiest place on earth.

I think they are expanding and I am holding out hope of getting one close to me.

Gossip Girl Season 3, Episode 10

Here is the recap for last night's episode, which by any measure was one of the top 5 in the series history. Vogler's comments are in italics.

Dan

So amazing, so exactly the way any boy would act in and after a threesome. The look on his face as 2 girls unbuttoned his top – a mix of shock and awe that this is really the life he is living. And the way he literally skipped through the streets of Manhattan the morning after! So true and cute at the same time. I kinda love Dan now! Plus 25!

Disagree with Vogler. Most guys react by trying to suppress an ear to ear smile and holding out for about six hours before having to spill the tawdry details to a friend. I won’t drop any points for this because Dan has no other guy friends but Nate used to date Vanessa. Guys will talk about girls that gave them Eskimo Brother status (watch The League on FX), but not even there was a real relationship.

Ok, fair point Steve, but can you really blame me…how on earth should I know about how boys react in threesomes?

Of course he wastes no time in telling Nate about the threesome, he probably told the barista at Starbucks. Is he still wearing the same clothes from last night too…he’ll probably never wash them again. Plus 10.

Taking the “other” girl out on a date the day after having a threesome with her and your girlfriend…not so smart. You don’t think that your girlfriend would be jealous? Plus 5, he wouldn’t cause he’s still assuming he lives in a fantasy world.

Could not agree more with Whitney, the right move would be to spend as much time as possible with your girlfriend, then call your friend and ask her to spend some one on one time with your girlfriend. While there would be some risk of them hooking up without you, it is really the only way to get away with it.

Dan would write a play that completely relates to his own life. Plus 2, is that all he knows to write about anyway.

And also it doesn’t necessarily have to be a stranger. It can never be one of the guy’s female friends but it could be one of the girl’s female friends that is having esteem issues. For this example, it would have worked better

Serena

Serena only wants to make up with Blair because she’s feeling guilty about her actions towards Tripp and needs her best friend to listen to her and tell her “Don’t worry Serena, I’m SURE you didn’t do anything wrong, how could he get the wrong idea. You’re so not a slut and you’ve given him no reason to think otherwise.” It’s pretty much exactly what every girl does after she does anything remotely bad and feels guiltier than all hell and needs someone to lie to her and tell her she’s still an innocent angel. Plus 15 – I hate to say I know from experience.

Serena slutting it around. Plus 30. Also sleeping with people you work with is awesome. Plus 5. What does she expect? I know politicians are often scumbags, but 26 yr old congressmen aren’t getting re-elected after ditching their wife for an 18yr old.

Seriously, why are Serena and Tripp talking about the sexual tension if nothing happened? They would both totally ignore this at the office and act strange around each other but then wait until after work hours to put themselves in another uncomfortable but too comfortable situation where they can joke about it and then hopefully hook up. Minus 10.

And now Serena’s telling Nate about her “future” affair with Tripp before it even happens. This does not happen. Period. She would sleep with Tripp, and then wait a week to own up to it, only after Blair reassured her at least 9 times that she wasn’t a whore. Minus another 10.

Hair pulled back, not rocking the cleavage….I wasn’t sure who this girl was this episode outside of the illicit sex. Minus 5.

Blair

Who are these preppy uptight arrogant people at the coffeehouse who are into plays? Aren’t these exactly the type of people she was looking to hang out with for the past 9 episodes? Why is she not part of this group? Minus 10.

Blackmailing Vanessa by threatening to tell the town crier in Vermont so her mom would hear about it….amazing………making it sound worse to liberal Vanessa because of the fact that it was a “movie star and her boyfriend”….excellent touch. Plus 8.

Great interaction between her and Duff where Duff brought up “Dorata needed to use my outlet for your towel warmer.” Plus 6. But Minus 30 for the lack of Dorota in this season.

It takes Blair exactly 35 seconds to realize that she can use their threesome as blackmail, I thought she was quicker than that! Minus 1.

Nate

Since when is Nate the all knowing master of everything on this show? Poker, politics, and now dirty sex and the relationships involved? I’m not complaining! Mainly because he is so right about the third person needing to be a stranger, preferably someone you will never see again. Definitely NOT your best friend and your girlfriend’s roommate…talk about awkward! Plus 10 because he is so wise.

Finally they are giving my man Archibald a storyline that is connected to the group. Plus 10.

Nate also knows exactly how to deal with Serena’s situation. Where did he get all this knowledge? Plus 3. And as a dual benefit, his plan to distract Serena also works out well for his own sexual benefit and sets a nice base for them to start things up again. I’m impressed Mr. Archibald.

I completely echo Vogler’s last comment, but shouldn’t he set his sights a little bit higher than Serena. He should have been sleeping with hot liberal campaign workers for the past few months and then running through the actress set. Minus 2.

All day drinking binge to get over a possible affair, Nate is a genius. Now we know how he got into Columbia on his own merit. Plus 20

Vanessa

Fighting for Dan by telling Olivia that “she always reads early drafts of his work” is quite the perfect retort in this situation. She’s reaffirming her long term friendship with Dan, while also highlighting that he trusts her opinion. Well played Vanessa. Plus 5.

Vanessa looked incredibly hot in the flashback to the 3way. Plus 30. If she was really was Dan’s friend she would swallow a little bit of her pride and help him out with his girl. Also isn’t that dude she said liked her at the end of the episode gay? I’m confused. Minus 5.

Yes, that other dude was definitely gay, Vanessa is an idiot, but at least she did look sexy in her underwear.

Chuck

Chuck saves Jenny from doing drugs. Wow, he’s really turned a new leaf here; this is the girl that he tried to rape in the first episode! Plus 2 because it just makes him even sexier.

I like that Chuck is back to being a shadowy figure, even though this version does good instead of awesomely aggressive things. Plus 8. Chuck tossing the diplomat kid because of the drugs fits because he has always placed an importance on family and he still considers Lily a stepmom.

Jenny

I know Jenny is tall and all, but this new boy looks like he is about 5’6”. So not something to be jealous about, he looks like Lord Farkward from Shrek. Minus 3. But apparently since he is doing drug deals at the Boat House he’s now interesting again. Minus 1, even though highly likely, the last thing Jenny needs is a drug problem.

I like her scenes with Chuck, granted I like everybody’s scenes with Chuck….but I think he sees right through her so the easy lies that the idiots she hangs around aren’t good enough. It makes her a more interesting character.

She would absolutely be turned on by hanging around with a drug dealer. If I could find a female Bear fan that was a drug dealer, I would be done. Plus 30.

Olivia

Olivia singing “Love Game” to Dan and really meaning the words is both hilarious but also exactly what a girl would do in this situation, if not to him, at least in her car by herself. Plus 1.

Girl initiates 3way, then Girl flips out because her boyfriend was more jacked up about being naked with some new than her…..yep…..sounds right. Plus 25.

Lady Gaga

Thank god she sang “Bad Romance!!” I’ve only listened to that song 97 times this weekend, 52 of which were Friday night at Field’s apartment – she can back me up on this one! Plus 97!

College Picks

I am going to be on campus this week (Zona at Cal game), so my picks are in a little bit early.

Boston College at Virginia +4

I got to give it the Eagles, they have surprised me every week. They lost their coach, OC, and best player in the off season under strange circumstances. But Spaziani and Paul Blake have been able to win some big games and keep them competitive. I never think Groh will win any games, but they are playing at home and he usually can win late to save his job. But taking the Eagles and giving the points.

Northwestern at Illinois +5

The Illini have come alive after a disastrous start the season. There terrible start made me look like an idiot (see Big Ten Preview) and taught me never to put any faith in Zooker. The Cats are coming off a big win in Iowa and Wooten and the should be able to stop the run and contain Benn. Even though this game is in Champaign, I think Fitz and the Cats can cover the 5.

Iowa at Ohio State -17

No way the Buckeyes are losing this game and no way they are covering the 17. Iowa will have a game plan to keep #2 off the field and should be able to match Tressel on special teams.

Michigan at Wisconsin -8.5

With the Hilltopper and Memphis job opening up the hot stove coaching season has officially begun. This is the greatest time of the year. Its like labor day, Christmas, new year’s and my birthday rolled into one. You get the chance to follow the private planes of big boosters and get texts and phone calls telling you about campus visits. Outside of the goings on in South Bend, RichRod’s situation holds the key to a lame or tremendous hot stove season. I can’t see them winning either in Camp Randall or against the Bucks. Depending on how he and the boosters react to these Ls, the MEEEEEECHIGAN could be open. I think the Wolverines will cover the 8.5, but lose.

Clemson at NC State +8

A match up of the two ACC that I have had a love/hate relationship with over the past decade. They both have given me amazing highs (Clemson mostly) and terrible lows (Clemson again), while refusing to reaching their full potential. Home field advantage and Russell taking care of the football will allow the Pack to cover.

Tennessee at Ole Miss -4.5

As wrong as I was about the Illini is equal to how right I was about Nutt, Snead and the Rebels. It has been a very disappointing season in the Grove and the Volunteers are going to come in and make it worse. Layla’s husband and father-in-law cover on the road.

Nebraska at Kansas +3.5

Reesing and the Jayhawks have collapsed after a strong start. Bo’s Huskers are coming off a close W over the MASH unit Sooners. Suh and the rest of the Husker D will stifle Mangini’s offense and will score enough to win and cover.

Notre Dame at Pitt -7

This game lost a little bit of its luster after egg the Irish laid against the Midshipmen, but I still love watching Jimmy sling it around and the chance to root against Wanny on national tv is one of my favorite things. That being said……………….Pitt is going to wipe the floor with Irish D and Jimmy won’t have his handcuffs taken off. Pitt will win and cover the 7, causing Weis to be a lame duck for the Stanford game.

Arizona at Cal -1

Zona is too good to get beat without Best and the Bears in a tailspin. Zona wins.

Florida at South Carolina -15

Florida’s offense is not good enough to be giving 15 to that Gamecock D on the road. Putting aside the annual Spurrier late season swoon, he should be able to get the boys up for the Gators. Cocks stay within two scores.

Allbarn at Georgia -4.5

I don’t have a good read on either of these teams, would never take either of them over anybody that is any good. But unfortunately both these teams are bad. I think there are bad feelings in Athens right now and Allbarn is able to pull a minor upset due to turnovers and a good offensive game plan.

Gossip Girl Recap

Here is Vogler and my recap of the Cotillion/3 way episode last night. As always, Whitney’s comments are in italics.

Jenny

York prep IS practically a public school; they accept the kids who were kicked out of Dalton and Chapin. Plus 1. The fact that I know though is rather pathetic, so Minus 1.

Jenny may want to think about wearing a skirt longer than 2” to the actual cotillion, she just screams sophistication and class. Plus 5.

This cotillion is absolutely ridiculous. First of all there is no chance in hell there would be a chick rock band singing “I’m a bitch” rather than some stuffy string quartet. Second, a last minute change in the escorts? I don’t think so! They have about 18 rehearsals before the actual night, no way in hell this would happen. Third, they are all wearing jewel toned dresses! You’re supposed to wear white and look like you’re getting married and take pictures weeks beforehand in the backyard of your estate. These trendy feathered taffeta frocks would never fly. And lastly, friends of friends don’t just randomly drop in and crash the party while underdressed like Jonathan did; security at those things is tighter than Serena’s dresses. Minus 50. (Side note: I never actually went to a cotillion because I wasn’t directly related to Marshall Field, so the fact that I know all this, and am still bitter about it, is not something I’m proud of) Minus 15.

I have no comments about the cotillion. After season 1 and the OC, I can’t muster up any fake interest. I just don’t give a shit about Jenny but I was living and dying with Dan and Serena back in season 1. But I am surprised that Jenny isn’t getting any mileage from her brother dating a movie star. Minus 5.

Blair

I just love how Blair didn’t freak out at all when she saw Chuck in the most sketchy situation a girlfriend could ever walk into. Her current bf, her ex, and 2 strippers scantily clad. The only reason why Blair didn’t freak the hell out is because she has a makeover to look forward to! Plus 10.

Her relationship with Chuck is her whole life, no way she wouldn’t throw a fit about the “lost weekend” and the whores wearing her underwear. Minus 3

So is Blair Serena’s cockblock friend that is allergic to fun? Oh yeah, she has been playing that role off and on for the whole series. Plus 5.

Isn’t she at NYU? So wouldn’t she have finals like Dan and his harem? Minus 10.

Chuck

Seriously Chuck, let’s get off the couch and bring something to this show other than giving Blair advice on her trivial frenemy drama. Steve is right, they are killing him. Minus 10. At least he finally took charge of the situation and provided alcohol and voyeurism in the elevator; perfect!

Wait, I thought Chuck was supposed to have the threesome…I’m kind of disappointed. Minus 20.

Chuck and Nate on a lost weekend and they can’t build a solid plot line around it. I need to be brought on as a consultant to this show, they are going to start losing viewers with these unforced errors. What is more interesting, this lost weekend or lame Jenny’s cotillion which they forced Blair, Serena and Nate’s involvement. Minus 60

I was enjoying the Chuck as a real estate mogul storyline, awesome they stuck with it for a whole week. Its much better having him involved in his girlfriend’s friendship. Completely unrealistic. Minus 5

Wasted episode again, but great line about how if Serena and Blair kissed it wouldn’t be cheating. Plus 2.

Serena

Serena “applies” for a job for Tripp and he hires her because she “makes a good case.” You sure it wasn’t because she’s gonna end up in bed with you in T-minus 2 episodes? Plus 4.

Even Serena isn’t dumb enough to think her behavior with Tripp is even the slightest bit appropriate. Minus 2.

A democrat sleeping with people on his staff. Plus 100.

She is starting to get super hot again, I could use her in a threesome or flashbacks to her hooking up with Nate or Dan.

Dan

Why does Dan not want Olivia to be in Endless Nights 4? Dating the star of a current hit movie is even cooler than dating the star of a hit movie 1 year ago. Minus 5 – stop being so selfish Dan and let Olivia give the people what they want, another trendy vampire movie.

Except having the threesome with one of his best friends, Dan played that whole thing perfectly……put the idea out there….shut up…let the girl run with it. Amazing. Plus 25.

Vanessa

I love how Vanessa thinks it’s totally normal to hang out all night with Dan and Olivia, assuming that they actually want having a third wheel around. Plus 5 - She is so delusional.

And yet apparently I’m beyond wrong here!! Jesus Christ they’re all making out, holy crap this is network TV. Didn’t the WB freak out 10 years ago with Marissa had a lesbian kiss with Olivia Wilde on the OC…this is way more scandalous and awesome. Plus 150, because even though they could (and should) have showed more, Lizzy McGuire is making out with a girl!!

Not sure if Dan or Olivia turned on Vanessa more. I would be more interested if she turned lesbian and started hooking up constantly. Tons of potential here.

Lily

Lily tells Jenny “you have your father’s natural rhythm.” That’s just gross. Minus 3. Even better though was seeing Jenny’s actual dance skills and complete lack of rhythm…that doesn’t bode well for Rufus!

Nate

Nate moves into the Empire with Chuck. I am so fired up about the potential here but a little bit sad because I can’t trust the writers to get the most out of it.

NFL Picks and a great sports saturday

Finishing a great sports Saturday, but I wanted to get my picks out for tomorrow. The line up of sports that I watched today is below, Phil has an eagle putt to go up 2 on Els with 7 holes to go in China.

Northwestern at Iowa

Navy at ND

Ohio State at Penn State

LSU at Alabama

Vanderbilt at Florida

Oregon State at Cal

Arizona Fall League All Star Game on MLB Network

UCONN at Cincy

FSU at Clemson

Charlotte Bobcats at Chicago Bulls

PBR World Finals Round 6 on Versus

WGC HSBC in Shangai (Phil and Tiger Final Group) on the Golf Channel

Kansas City at Jacksonville -6.5

Puke. I’ll take the Jags

Baltimore at Cincinnati +3

Bengals beat the Ravens in Balto, are coming off a bye, getting 3, and have a QB and receivers to expose a suspect Raven secondary……yes, please.

Houston at Indianapolis -9

I don’t give more than a touchdown in any AFC South match up. Also the Colts are so banged up on D that they signed Steve Etman and Quintin Coryatt to ten day contracts

Washington at Atlanta -10

Falcons coming off two tough losses to the Cowboys and Saints, unfortunately I think they will take their frustrations out on the Redskins. We have no reached the point in the season where I have conceded the division to the Vikings so I have to root hard against any team with wild card aspirations.

Green Bay at Tampa Bay -9.5

Josh Freeman, Raheem Morris…..yikes.

Arizona at Chicago -3

Again I do not pick Bears games. But it is going to be really nice in Chicago tomorrow, we are going to have to win the TO battle by 3 to win the game.

Miami at New England -10.5

The dolphins are to good to be getting double digits against anybody.

Carolina at New Orleans -13

Division match up between players and coaches that have been on both teams for a while. The Panthers should be able to run the ball enough to keep Brees on the sideline enough to cover a monster spread.

Detroit at Seattle -10

The Lions lost to the Rams and Stafford is questionable. I have no faith in the Seahawks but even less in the Lions ability to keep it together on the road. I’ll give the ten.

Tennessee at San Fran -4

Vince Young on the road against a quality opponent only getting 4, thanks.

San Diego at New York Giants -4.5

Giants will find their running game and look good. (If they loss, their season is over)

Dallas at Philadelphia -3

Cowboys have looked good, flying under the radar and racking up wins. But division games start to appear on the schedule and its Romo on the road.

Pittsburgh at Denver +3

If we beat the Steelers, Denver will too.

Profile in Awesome: Versus and the PBR

What if I told you that there was a channel that broadcasted NHL hockey games, bull riding, Mountain West and Ivy League Football, drag racing, and hunting shows…..all in HD….Is this something you would be interested in?

For some reason the slaptards at DirectTv dropped it from their channel listing. Thank God I have Comcast these days or I would be currently on a multi state killing spree. A few days ago I watched two periods of the Bruins at Red Wings, a 2-0 Detroit victory that sent offensive hockey back to the days of the late 90s Devils. I followed up that up with close to 4 hours of early round coverage of the PBR World Finals.

Since the start of the NFL season, I have been using the extensive PBR coverage on Versus to calm me down after I work myself into an angry rage watching the Bears try to run the football. But over that time I began to appreciate how exciting and how perfect for TV the PBR is. They have two stalls going at all times, so they do an efficient job getting the bulls and the riders ready to go so it is one after the other. Eventually, I started following the different riders and picking favorites.

The finals have come down to two riders, Kody Lostroh and J.B. Mauney with 2008 buckle winner Guilherme Marchi in a distant 3^rd. Besides being pumped that the buckle is almost assured of getting back in American hands, I started noticing the differences between the two front runners. I have gotten behind Mauney because he credits his resurgence to the fact that he had to work at a ball bearing plant while recovering from an injury. He hated it so much that he “decided not to fall off anymore.” Also the fact that he is sponsored by Copenhagen is awesome and mitigates the lameness of his helmet (Lostroh rides for Enterprise, but doesn’t wear a helmet).

Flip on Versus and the PBR, give it a chance. I promise you will not regret it.

College Picks (Forky Guest)

We are back with college picks this week, going against Forky. As I am finishing this up the Pirates are trying to cover 13 against the Hokies in Vegas. Pickney has been the Pirate QB since Jeff Blake went the NFL, he split snaps with Garrard for a few years. Forky's picks are in italics.

Now onto the picks..............

Connecticut at Cincinnati -16.5

Brian Kelly at home against an emotionally spent Huskies football team, but that is a huge line. The Bearcats are going to be able to go up and down the field, I would feel better about taking the home team if the back up, Zach Collares, was going to start but Tony Pike is supposed to get the ball after re-injuring his wrist a few weeks ago. But Brian Kelly makes enough a difference, taking the Bearcats and giving the points.

Brian Kelly is a verified genius, and part of being a genius is knowing when to turn it on. With the Bearcats sitting at 8-0, and ABC coming into Nippert Stadium for an 8:00 kick, its time to turn it on. Cincinnati is going to score a lot of touchdowns, and UConn's offense won't. Take the Bearcats and give the points.

Maryland at NC State -6.5

Picking the ACC is a exercise in futility. I just don’t trust the Terps to keep it within a touchdown on the road. Pack giving the 6.5

*!@&*$*!$**! This is just about starting to piss me off. The Pack has the worst defense in the history of the world, and is forcing about 1 punt every three league games. Russell Wilson proved that you can throw for 480 yards and five touchdowns and still lose in Tallahasse. Luckily, Christian Ponder doesn't play for the Fridge, and the Pack might be able to force 2 punts against the Terps. That will be enough for the win, but probably not enough to cover the 6.5. TOB is going to pick this disaster off the floor enough to get the win thanks to the inspiring smell of my giant turkey legs smoking all morning in the parking lot, but its probably going to take the last play to do it. Thanks guys.

South Carolina at Arkansas -7

We have reached the point in the season where after a couple of tough early season losses Spurrier’s bunch quits a little bit and starts racking up Ls. Can’t see them scoring with the Razorbacks and keeping this within 7, Mallet will be able to advantage of the perimeter of the Cock D with the intermediate and deep balls to the sidelines. Taking the Hogs and giving the points.

South Carolina has a bunch of serious players, especially on defense. They started off 5-1, and all that talent looked like it was finally about to pay off. But last time I checked, the Cocks are still the Cocks, and they're starting to look like it. The fix to this building mess in Columbia isn't a trip to visit Mr. Mallett in East Texas. Petrino is going to score too many points, they'll cover the 7 and get the win for the Hogs.

Vanderbilt at Florida -35

After blowing out the Dawgs in the Cocktail Party and reestablishing themselves at the top of the football universe, I can’t see the Gators subjecting Timmy to the risk it would take to slaughter the Commodores. Maybe if the D and special teams score a bunch, but I’ll take my chances with the ‘Dores and the five touchdowns.

Vanderbilt is never real good, and they are even less good this year. But 35 points is a ton of points, and I'll take those points into the swamp and beat the Gators.

Navy at Notre Dame -11

Out of all the offenses they will face, Navy’s triple option matches up well for the porous Irish D. Good tackling, proper gap discipline and decision making are the biggest factors in defending it and those are things that McCarthy and the boys do well. Navy’s lack of size and speed plays into the hands of the small and slow Irish defenders. Clausen/Tate can score on anybody and the return of Michael Floyd should only add to a prolific offense, taking the Irish, giving the eleven.

Navy's defense is pretty good, and the Irish can freaking score. If you don't like watching Clausen toss it around, you don't like sports. The Middies are tough enough to keep this within 11. Take the points and that Hawaiian coach.

LSU at Alabama -7.5

Rooting for the Tide, hate the Bengals and their idiot HBC, think the Tide are going to win…..7.5 is too high with how bad #12 has been playing. Taking the Tigers and the points.

Alabama is awesome. T-Town is in such a frenzy as of Thursday night there might not be anyone left standing by 3:30 on Saturday. Doesn't matter. Old man Les still has enough of his boys on defense right now to keep the Tide within 7.5, but the Tide will get some turnover, or special teams play to get this win by 9 or 10.

Oklahoma at Nebraska +6

I have been a Cornhusker hater all year, and won’t be stopping this week. Their offense will not be able to do anything against this Sooner D. I’ll take anybody from the top half of the South against the North, and Landry “The Mustache” Jones will have enough playmakers to score on the black shirts. Although Suh is a stud and I would trade Bo Pelini Tommie Harris and our entire offensive line for his draft rights, I will take the Sooners and give the six.

The Big 8 Title is on the line on Saturday night in Lincoln, and I would LOVE to go to this game. Bobby Stoops is having a long year, and Pelini is going to get just enough mojo going to come close to making even longer. Nebraska has looked like hell lately, but they're not losing this one by more than six.

Ohio State at Penn State -3.5

Homecoming for Pryor, ton of pressure on the kid’s shoulders and he hasn’t responded that well to it expect one Saturday night in Madison last fall. I hate the Nittany Lions and root for the Buckeyes, but don’t comfortable picking the kid on the road. I would feel a lot better if the Big Ten didn’t prohibit November night games, but I’ll take the Nittany Lions to cover in Happy Valley.

As much as I want to go to OU-Nebraska, is how much I don't want to watch this one. Where is the game? Pennsylvania? Ok, then the Lions will win and cover. The Bucs are kind of a circus at quarterback.

Washington at UCLA -4.5

Washington blew their load early in the season with the win over Trojans and the close Ls to LSU and the Irish. They are not the best road team and have been regressing, they aren’t going to be able to handle Ricky and the Bruins in Pasadena. Bruins will cover.

I'm not betting against Ricky. He won't lose 6 in a row. Impossible. He'll win and cover, but sadly only because of his defense.

Oregon at Stanford +7

This sets up a typical PAC-10 road letdown for the Ducks after a big home win against the Trojans, but there are two factors working in their favor. First, they are too good to be only giving the Cardinal and Jimmy Harbaugh 7. Second, if LeGarret Blount gets reinstated that should energize and refocus the team. Bonus reason: that offense is absurd. Ducks to cover.

This one screams Cardinal, but its just too obvious. The Ducks are going to shock me and stick it to the boys in Palo Alto. Take the O and give the points.

Florida State at Clemson -8.5

CJ Spiller might be able to cover the 8.5 by himselfs, even though I think that spread is way too high . The dude is channeling 05 Reggie Bush and could vault to the top of the Heisman race with a monster game against the Noles in the Valley. But the Tigers did lose to Maryland this year. I’ll take the Tigers to cover, but I am not that excited about it. But I want to take a moment to reminisce about how easy it used to be to cash in on this game a few years back. Whenever Tammy was on the hot seat, Bobby would take the game and Terry Don would give his boy an extension. Free money. Jimbo vs. Dabo will not have the same magic.

A ralley in the valley on national TV at 7:45 p.m. for Dabo's Tigers? I don't like it, and I'm sure as hell not giving the Criminoles 8.5. Clemson's been playing better lately, and that's all I need to know about this one. Take the Noles and the points.

Gossip Girl Season 3, Episode 7

Vogler and I are back for the recap of Monday’s Gossip Girl. It was politically themed, which is makes sense because on Tuesday we saw Republicans take back the capitol in NJ and VA (I could not be more jacked up, Corzine was an absolute buffoon). On to the recap……..

Vanessa

Why on earth is Vanessa filming Trip Van Der Bilt’s campaign? Isn’t her entire motto that anything not from Brooklyn (besides Nate) is total BS and representative of all that is bad in this world? And isn’t Nates’ Grandpas motto that anything from Brooklyn (including Vanessa) is riff raff that should stay east of the river? I think the answer is yes to both these questions, making this entire plot point utterly ridiculous. There is no way in hell Vanessa would want anything to do with the Archibald’s, and vise versa. Minus 15

Everyone in that Van Der Bilt family knows that Vanessa is loyal is her distorted moral compass and can’t be trusted with intimate details that may arise. There is absolutely no way she would be given full access to the campaign Minus 5.

Vanessa WOULD sell the tape to NY1. It’s the “honest” channel of and FOR the public. Even though it’s kind of lame, NY1 can be thanked for bringing me Pat Kiernan, previous host of VH1 World Series of Pop Culture. Oh how I wish for more than just 2 seasons of that fabulous show (what’s better than creative team names like “Almost Perfect Strangers” and questions about listing American Idol runners up in chronological order? It’s perhaps the only game show that I could ever be successful on) Plus 10.

What happened to Nate? Really, Vanessa? What happened to you? You’re the one filming a pro bono documentary about corrupt politics that goes against all your beliefs. Even though you revealed the tape, you still would be a disappointment to your mother…that’s right! Minus 5.

Vanessa is so stupid. Why not sell the tape back to Papa Van Der Bilt and keep her friend Nate. Although, she is that self righteous Plus 3. Also the press would never take down a democrat on election day. Minus 100.

Blair

Blair mentions Bar None as a pathetic NYU hangout. So true, and yet I’ve definitely been there and enjoyed $5 pitchers and Beirut in the back. Pretty sure I’ll still go there again even though Blair doesn’t approve. Even

Blair’s new BFF is a Denise Richards wannabe. Plus 3. Oh, and she’s a high class call girl…perfect! Plus 5.

This fishing for friends expedition is completely ridiculous, and the fact that Blair was prompted to do it because Serena teased her about going to the party alone. Minus only 3, because it was sort of like I Love You, Man. And that movie kicked ass. SLAPPING THE BASS!!!

I don’t pretend to understand female friendships, but that across the street standoff was a strong scene even if it was overly dramatic. Plus 6

Was a little bit intrigued by Blair’s diatribe against Serena mentioning that she is “drifting away from Dan.” Wonder if they are going to try to bring those two together at any point soon.

Serena

Apparently high profile political events where you need to impress your new boyfriends’ colleagues call for belly button baring cleavage dresses. Plus 5, because as we know in Serena’s world, her step father’s funeral also requires the same ensemble.

I’m kind of surprised that Serena doesn’t see her interaction with Brandeis as a new job opportunity? She’s already whoring herself out to her Patrick Robinson, why not get a few more designer bags out of it? Plus 2 because I think it will come to that at some point.

Serena and Tripp are totally having an affair next season. It’s gonna be the same killer episode as when Vanessa and Rufus do it. I can’t wait. Plus 7.

Loved that her only response to being called a whore by Blair was shoving her in the cake. Plus 10.

Finally a character I can relate to. Serena’s fake boyfriend treated that party like I have treated every single formal event I have attended since I was 19. Plus 70.

Olivia

Has Olivia never had media training 101? Talking about the embarrassing moments of your boyfriend of 1 month on a talk show is not only not a good way to impress the public, but it’s also probably gonna be a good way to end the relationship. You’re not that hot Hillary Duff. Minus 5.

Nobody celebrates a one month anniversary, I am a complete sap and that would send me running for the hills. Minus 10

I thought Hilary Duff looked pretty hot at some points in the episode. Plus 8. And I think that her character and Dan would really get along, both neurotic about stupid, pointless, and uninteresting plot points. Plus 3.

Even on a fake scripted version of his own talk show, Jimmy Fallon is incredibly awkward and can’t interact with his guests like a normal human. Plus 25.

Olivia is a guest on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon 2 times in 1 month. I guess that’s a pretty accurate representation of how badly that show is doing. Plus 10.

There has been a lot of comments about Fallon’s role in the episode, but since the only late night tv I watch is west coast sports, bull riding on Versus, or Life on Top and Lingerie on Cinemax I don’t feel qualified to judge.

Nate

Behind every successful man in a great woman. Apparently Tripp’s wife runs this show and is even more conniving than Nate’s grandpa could have ever imagined. That should win her some points with the old dude at least! Plus 2.

Was completely turned on by Trip’s conniving redheaded wife, first time I have been attracted to any of the female characters since the writers wrecked Blair. Plus 4.

Nate continues to be my favorite character. He is taking charge and even though his initial plans get foiled by dim chicks (Vanessa, Serena), he preserves and ultimately succeeds. Combine piloting a successful House campaign with getting Dan to do his Columbia work, this dude is a force of nature. Plus 33.

Chuck

I don’t know why the writers continue to play “just the tip” with Chuck Bass. Its like putting a 44 magnum in the hands of a 6 year old. If you can’t fucking shoot it……give it to somebody who can or will. Minus 25.

Chuck used to be a sexual deviant, now he is a relationship with his dream girl and he is wearing night gowns and abstaining from sex. Don’t buy it. Minus 10.

Dan

He is way too cool about always having his ex and his current girlfriend in the same place and communicating. That is not okay under any circumstance, it only leads to major problems. Minus 30