Gossip Girl Recap

Here is Vogler and my recap of the Cotillion/3 way episode last night. As always, Whitney’s comments are in italics.

Jenny

York prep IS practically a public school; they accept the kids who were kicked out of Dalton and Chapin. Plus 1. The fact that I know though is rather pathetic, so Minus 1.

Jenny may want to think about wearing a skirt longer than 2” to the actual cotillion, she just screams sophistication and class. Plus 5.

This cotillion is absolutely ridiculous. First of all there is no chance in hell there would be a chick rock band singing “I’m a bitch” rather than some stuffy string quartet. Second, a last minute change in the escorts? I don’t think so! They have about 18 rehearsals before the actual night, no way in hell this would happen. Third, they are all wearing jewel toned dresses! You’re supposed to wear white and look like you’re getting married and take pictures weeks beforehand in the backyard of your estate. These trendy feathered taffeta frocks would never fly. And lastly, friends of friends don’t just randomly drop in and crash the party while underdressed like Jonathan did; security at those things is tighter than Serena’s dresses. Minus 50. (Side note: I never actually went to a cotillion because I wasn’t directly related to Marshall Field, so the fact that I know all this, and am still bitter about it, is not something I’m proud of) Minus 15.

I have no comments about the cotillion. After season 1 and the OC, I can’t muster up any fake interest. I just don’t give a shit about Jenny but I was living and dying with Dan and Serena back in season 1. But I am surprised that Jenny isn’t getting any mileage from her brother dating a movie star. Minus 5.

Blair

I just love how Blair didn’t freak out at all when she saw Chuck in the most sketchy situation a girlfriend could ever walk into. Her current bf, her ex, and 2 strippers scantily clad. The only reason why Blair didn’t freak the hell out is because she has a makeover to look forward to! Plus 10.

Her relationship with Chuck is her whole life, no way she wouldn’t throw a fit about the “lost weekend” and the whores wearing her underwear. Minus 3

So is Blair Serena’s cockblock friend that is allergic to fun? Oh yeah, she has been playing that role off and on for the whole series. Plus 5.

Isn’t she at NYU? So wouldn’t she have finals like Dan and his harem? Minus 10.

Chuck

Seriously Chuck, let’s get off the couch and bring something to this show other than giving Blair advice on her trivial frenemy drama. Steve is right, they are killing him. Minus 10. At least he finally took charge of the situation and provided alcohol and voyeurism in the elevator; perfect!

Wait, I thought Chuck was supposed to have the threesome…I’m kind of disappointed. Minus 20.

Chuck and Nate on a lost weekend and they can’t build a solid plot line around it. I need to be brought on as a consultant to this show, they are going to start losing viewers with these unforced errors. What is more interesting, this lost weekend or lame Jenny’s cotillion which they forced Blair, Serena and Nate’s involvement. Minus 60

I was enjoying the Chuck as a real estate mogul storyline, awesome they stuck with it for a whole week. Its much better having him involved in his girlfriend’s friendship. Completely unrealistic. Minus 5

Wasted episode again, but great line about how if Serena and Blair kissed it wouldn’t be cheating. Plus 2.

Serena

Serena “applies” for a job for Tripp and he hires her because she “makes a good case.” You sure it wasn’t because she’s gonna end up in bed with you in T-minus 2 episodes? Plus 4.

Even Serena isn’t dumb enough to think her behavior with Tripp is even the slightest bit appropriate. Minus 2.

A democrat sleeping with people on his staff. Plus 100.

She is starting to get super hot again, I could use her in a threesome or flashbacks to her hooking up with Nate or Dan.

Dan

Why does Dan not want Olivia to be in Endless Nights 4? Dating the star of a current hit movie is even cooler than dating the star of a hit movie 1 year ago. Minus 5 – stop being so selfish Dan and let Olivia give the people what they want, another trendy vampire movie.

Except having the threesome with one of his best friends, Dan played that whole thing perfectly……put the idea out there….shut up…let the girl run with it. Amazing. Plus 25.

Vanessa

I love how Vanessa thinks it’s totally normal to hang out all night with Dan and Olivia, assuming that they actually want having a third wheel around. Plus 5 - She is so delusional.

And yet apparently I’m beyond wrong here!! Jesus Christ they’re all making out, holy crap this is network TV. Didn’t the WB freak out 10 years ago with Marissa had a lesbian kiss with Olivia Wilde on the OC…this is way more scandalous and awesome. Plus 150, because even though they could (and should) have showed more, Lizzy McGuire is making out with a girl!!

Not sure if Dan or Olivia turned on Vanessa more. I would be more interested if she turned lesbian and started hooking up constantly. Tons of potential here.

Lily

Lily tells Jenny “you have your father’s natural rhythm.” That’s just gross. Minus 3. Even better though was seeing Jenny’s actual dance skills and complete lack of rhythm…that doesn’t bode well for Rufus!

Nate

Nate moves into the Empire with Chuck. I am so fired up about the potential here but a little bit sad because I can’t trust the writers to get the most out of it.