Gossip Girl- Season 3, Episode 3

I got a request from Vogler to do a Gossip Girl recap due to the fact that the blog was getting too football focused. Although I failed to understand how anything could be "too football focused", I always listen to the request/advice of friends and I have a tendency to defer to a hot blonde.

I have made a ton of references to my love of teen soaps previously, Gossip Girl is my favorite show on tv outside of Friday Night Lights. There is just something about the "sky is falling" drama of 18year olds and their relationships that intrigues me. The start of season 3 has been a little bit uneven, the first and third episodes were throwaways but episode 2 was one of the top 5 best.

I am not sure if the format will stay the same, but there should be something up by Wednesday each week of new episode. If you are fan of the show and want to contribute, please shoot me an email. For the first recap, I have turned the blog over to Vogler, thanks Whitney for all the effort. The rest of what you read are her words and thoughts......................................

Its 9:20, I’ve got a glass of Bordeaux (standard), I’m wearing my sweats (comfy but not attractive), and I’m ready for the best thing that ever happened to Monday. It’s Gossip Girl time. It’s also my first time blogging. Ever. So I’m kind of nervous but am really excited to contribute to Steve’s blog in an entry that isn’t 11 pages of football predictions that I don’t understand.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with the Reality Index on nymag.com please check it out immediately and then thank me later for giving you a reason to go to work on Tuesdays. My comments will be in the same form; plus points for things that are awesome (like Chucks hair), and minus points for things that aren’t believable (like the size of Blair and Georgina’s dorm room). I’d also like to point out that I am submitting this recap to Steve at 11:30pm on Monday night, and thus have not yet read the latest nymag entry. If anything I say is also in their recap, then it only reaffirms that I made an awesome comment.

I’d like to start out with a big plus 20 because just earlier tonight Lonley Boy smiled at me while working out at the gym. I can’t think any better way to start a night of GG.

Plus 3 for Blair not knowing the sock on the door rule. Why would she when she had Dorota blocking all visitors from interrupting her and Chuck back in high school. And another plus 1 for how quickly Blair picks it up…she’s determined to fit in at NYU.

Minus 10 for the fashion on this episode. The most interesting thing Blair wore all night was ruffles, Chuck wore pink patent leather shoes that no gay man on Christopher Street would be caught dead in, and both Georgina and Vanessa were spotted wearing acid washed clothes. GG style is supposed to be unachievable for us normal people, not something we can buy at Forever 21.

Minus 1 for every scene taking place in broad daylight. All the hookups, and even the auction, happened in the middle of the day. Aren’t college kid supposed to be passed out until 3?

Plus 3 for Vanessa preferring Dan hook up with Georgina rather than Blair, but minus 4 for Serena preferring Dan hook up with Blair. S should be equally pissed about either option. A girls’ best friend or her mortal enemy. Double ew.

Rufus apparently traded up from his black western “passé rocker” shirts to tailored classics from Robert Talbott. Of course Lily would have restocked his closet. Plus 2

Plus 5 for a Jenny and Eric sighting within the first commercial break! Minus 10 for them never to re-appear again all night.

Where the hell did Carter just pop out of? Minus 3

Vanessa finds out Scott isn’t a student, which immediate makes me wonder, where the hell is Scott living? Obviously he’s not living in the dorms, and if he’s not living in the dorms, does he have in own place? And has V never been to his place? Because if she has and he doesn’t live in a dorm, how the hell does she believe he is a student? Even Blair is living in the dorms, and she’s rich. We all know Scott can’t afford his own place, and even if he could, Vanessa would resent him for just that and they obviously wouldn’t be dating in the first place. And where did his Mom think he was staying this whole time, clearly not with Father Rufus. Has he been living on the streets? If so, how do his pink shirts stay so clean? Unbelievable any way you cut it. Minus 20

Update: Damn blogging takes time. I’ve hardly had any of my wine, I’ve been watching and pausing the show for 25 min now and I’m only 11 minutes in. Crap.

Plus 5 for Blairs lingerie. Always entirely unpractical but incredibly hot
Plus 1 – 2 days, 2 plaid flannel shirts on Dan , now I know where all of Rufus’s old clothes went

Minus 3 because the thought of Chuck actually walking through the hall of a dorm wearing that suit and carrying a bottle of champagne is hilarious. Can you only imagine that happening on 3rd Rich? He’d get an alcohol citation just like I did. (Editor's note: I have been to an NYU dorm, those places are locked down like Sing Sing. There is no possible way Chuck, Serena, and Scott would be allowed to roam in and out of there)

College freshman don’t go to Sothebys auctions with their parents. Especially not Dan. Minus 5

Serena’s auction outfit it totally out of control. Her dress couldn’t be any tighter and her hair is a scraggly mess. She looks like a street walker who just finished a trick. Plus 4 because it still makes the boys happy.

The doorman told Scott’s mom (a total stranger) that Lily wasn’t home and exactly where she could find her. Sounds like they need a new doorman. Minus 2.

Georgina has a pic of her and Dan on her desktop…and he’s wearing a plaid flannel shirt. Plus 3

Total: -12 on the unrealistic side. Not even my Dan Humphry sighting could make up for the utter ridiculousness of Scott’s current situation. Looking forward to next week though when Tyra promotes herself and Lizzy McGuire enters the scene!

NFL picks week 3 (Blanda Guest)

This intro is going to be a bit rushed, since I need to pack, run, go to the bank and head to the airport. The guest prognosticator is my oldest friend, more like a brother, James “Boom Boom” Blanda. He spent his early life growing up in Dallas and loving the triplets but has been a big Bears fan for years and we are going to go in on season tickets in the near future.

Tennessee Titans at NY Jets -3

Jeff Fisher is not going 0-3. Instead of watching film this week I think there is good chance that Rex Ryan and Sanchez spent the week in Devil’s Three Ways with beat jersey Jets fans. Even though Revis sealed a pro bowl berth in the first two weeks, Kerry “Tom” Collins (credit: Jeff Steager) will spread the ball around and comeback to NashVegas with the season alive.

The Titans seem to be on the ropes and Dirty Sanchez has the Jets on a roll. Although Chris Johnson went off on the Texans last week, I just don’t see a repeat performance in the cards against the reinvigorated Jets D. Gotta go with the J-E-T-S at home.

Jacksonville Jags at Houston Texans -3.5

Jacksonville blows.

The Jags are terrible and are one step away from moving to LA. When the owner is openly talking about drafting Tim Tebow as a way generate fan interest you know your team is in trouble. I do love Timmy T, but not sure an owner should be talking about drafting a QB of the future after week 2. I see Steve Slaton busting out of his slump (at least I hope for my fantasy team) and the Texans winning big at home.

Kansas City Chiefs at Philadelphia Eagles -9

For some reason, Blanda thought this games was a PK. Haley game planned the shit out of this Eagles team in the conference championship game. 9 is too much without #5 and a hobbled Westbrook. If you are the Chiefs D, don’t you have to start barking in unison when Vick comes on the field? I agree he got railroaded by the justice system, but don’t you have to get in his head?

Mike Vick returns and scores a TD, Chiefs continue to struggle on their inevitable run towards the #1 pick in the draft. They lost to the gd Raiders last week!

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens -13

I think the spread is too big for a division matchup. The Ravens look incredible, but taking a shot on the spread.

HA! Ravens big.

New York Giants at Tampa Bucs +6.5

Giants are good, Bucs are not. Its going to be a long year in Tampa, Sorry D.

Giants showed some moxie in crapping on the opening of Jerry-world. I strongly dislike Eli Manning, but I just can’t see the Bucs pulling this one out.

Washington Redskins at Detroit Lions +6.5

Seems like everyone getting on board with a Lions W this week, not me. Although I will take the 6.5, and hope #89 gets the ball.

The Lions finally break the streak and win a game , people of Detroit rejoice! The Redskins struggled to beat the Rams last week and Jason Campbell doesn’t seem to be the answer at QB. I think Stafford shows why he was given the most guaranteed money in the history of the NFL and the Lions win by 2 TDs.

Green Bay Packers at St. Louis Rams +6.5

The Packers are overrated, and it pains me to say that after getting beat by them in the opener. Revenge back in Chicago, won’t be pretty. Even the Rams can watch that Bengals film and figure out how to attack the Pack.

Gotta think the Pack will bounce back after their surprising loss at home to Ochocinco and the Bungles. Gotta say I can’t blame Marvin Lewis for the Bengals struggles after watching Hard Knocks and seeing how incredibly incompetent Mike Brown and the Cincy front office seem to be. Lewis deserves a medal for putting up with them for as long as he has.

San Francisco 49ers at Minnesota Vikings -6.5

Seems that the Niners are a bit of a bandwagon pick, I’ll take Favre, AP, and that D and give the 6.5. If anyone watched the final 3QTs of that Lions game last week, you would have seen that Favre is back in the groove. I am already having Viking nightmares on a weekly basis.

AD and Frank Gore run wild. Niners shock the Vikes at home, and Farve tosses 3 INTs. You know he can’t just manage the game, he’s gonna get the itch and make some dumb decsions.

Atlanta Falcons at New England Patriots -4

The “no betting against Brady” rule is in effect for one more week on probationary status. This Pats team doesn’t look very good, but trusting Brady/Billy after a L and that the Dirty Birds first game away from the Dome is a handicap.

I motion that the Patriots go back to their throwback unis full time. They are so much cooler than their current ones. Matty Ice waltzes storms back into Boston area and sticks it to the Patriots, breaking the hearts of many a BC fan.

Chicago Bears at Seattle Seahawks +2

I don’t pick the Bears games, but I have a feeling that our O might wake up and throw up 5 plus TDs.

Qwest is a tough place to play, but I just can’t see Seneca Wallace leading the Hawks to a victory over the rejuvenated Bears. Cutler builds on his rebound performance from last week and tosses 2 TDs to my man G-Reg. Bears!

New Orleans Saints at Buffalo Bills +6

Taking a flyer on the Bills for this game. It seems like there is rain in the forecast and I always go against the Ain’ts in adverse conditions. Not a believer in the Saints juggernaut. Check the weather conditions at kickoff.

Drew Brees continues to play out of his mind and the Saints put up over 40 again. Buffalo hangs with them for a little since the Saints D is swiss cheese, but they won’t be able to keep up.

Miami Dolphins at San Diego Chargers -5.5

Don’t see the Fins at 0-3 and I think the Chargers are overrated. The only reason Turner hasn’t been canned is that the Chiefs and the Raiders have been awful and Pat Bowlen has early onset dementia. The Chargers are a joke and the sooner everyone realizes it they will be better off. Still like Philip, but that D is brutal. Taking the 5.5.

I hate to say it, but I feel like the LT era is over. I think part of Darren Sproles’ advantage has got the be that he’s a freaking midget and the defenders can’t see him because of this. Now way should a rb who is 5’6” be a starting caliber player in the NFL. Chargers rebound from their tough loss to the Ravens and cover at home.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals +4

Big Ben gets this one even though I am not really sure if Bruce Arians isn’t a hologram. Because while every other team has a semblance of a professional offense, I think Big Ben draws up plays in the dirt during the huddle. Not really sure what page the “hold the ball for 8 seconds and throw it as hard as you can 18 yards down the field to Santanio” is on in the playbook.

Benny Roe returns to SW Ohio and tosses 4 TDs like he used to in college when my beloved Redhawks resembled a D-1 football team. I want to believe in the Bengals and Ochocinco easily became my favorite non-Bears player after watching Hard Knocks, but they won’t beat the Steelers. Pittsburgh rebounds from a tough loss to the Bears and takes one on the road.

Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders +1.5
The Raiders should have beaten the Chargers at home, and while the Chargers are flying under the radar of suck they are better than the Broncos. Crappy divisions foes (Broncos, Chiefs) don’t get to give points in Oakland and get away with it.

There is absolutely no way that Al Davis should be allowed to make a decision on what to eat for lunch, let alone for an NFL franchise. That dude looks like he died 5 years ago. I think Kyle Orton is solid and I thank Josh McDaniels for being dumb enough to alienate a 25 yr. old Pro Bowl qb to the point that he gets traded to the Bears. No way that should’ve ever happened but Denver’s loss is Chicago’s gain. The surprising Broncos hit 3-0 and Denver fans can momentarily forget their terrible offseason.

Indianapolis Colts at Arizona Cardinals -2.5

Breaking the never go against Peyton rule, I think the Cardinal O is back on track and they give Jim Caldwell his first L. That Colt D has to go from Miami on Monday night across the country and face a completely different Offense after being on the field for 3QTs.

I just don’t trust the Cardinals. They were the worst team to make the playoffs last year and just got hot at the right time. Its tough to go against Peyton, guy just knows how to QB along with his great comedic timing. Colts win big on national television, with Manning tossing 2 TDs to breakout wide receive of the year Pierre Garcon ( I can’t say or think his name without reverting to a terrible French accent)

Carolina Panthers at Dallas Cowboys -8.5

Thanks for that monster line. Cowboys can’t cover this line with out Marion the Barbarian. They won’t stick with the inside run and the Panthers are better than they have shown.

If the Cowboys lose this game, Wade Phillips gets canned. I don’t see that happening though. Panthers are a mess and Delhomme is an TAINT (touchdown after interception) waiting to happen. Marion the Barbarian is out but Felix Jones/Tashard Choice pick up the load and the ‘Boys cover..

College Picks Week 4 (Cheney Guest)

It is time for week 4 of the college season. I will be in Raleigh this weekend for the Pitt/NC State game. Slamming with Fork, his band of Pack crew, Petrags, and two of his Pitt buddies. I will also scramble over to the awesome Wolfpack statue and marvel in its glory. I am super jacked up. Also Fork has a huge tow behind smoker named the Wolfcat (pictured above), so Friday night is going to be spent stocking the firebox and working on apps. Below is a preliminary menu…

Pork shoulders smoked for 12 hours, pulled and chopped into BBQ

Homemade coleslaw

Jalapeno cornbread

3 cheese dip with 3 kinds of jalapenos and sausage cooked in the firebox

Jalapeno poppers (might be my responsibility, excited for the challenge)

Smoked catfish dip

Fresh local sausages

Smoked fresh peach and blackberry cobbler

Wes Cheney is the guest prognosticator this week. He is a fellow Dcat and I ran into him at the reunion for the first time since the Bears opener at Green Bay in 2005 or 2006 in New York. He is a big Longhorn, Ranger, Mav and Cowboy fan. He loves David Segui and is the only person in the history of the world with a Quincy Carter Dallas Cowboy jersey. He is now located in San Francisco spying on the US for the Chinese. He also thinks he is better than me, and looks down his nose at me for being awesome. I would care, but he seems to forget that I know about the weird stuff he used to do constantly. My sour grapes aside, it was great reconnecting with Wes, he is a great sports fan and hopefully will see him when I make it out to San Fran. Cheney’s picks are in italics and as always don’t use these to gamble off of, mostly because I am stupid.

Ole Miss Rebels at South Carolina Gamecocks +4

Upset Thursday Night. Haven’t been a believer in the Rebs since the start (although I was impressed with their Cotton Bowl W over Captain Leach, watched it a Red Raider bar getting free shots every time TT scored. This was early day 2 of an epic 4 day New Years 09 bender). I think the OBC, Garcia, and that Cock D will be too much for the Rebs on the road.

I am taking Ole Miss and giving the points because South Carolina can’t win a big game.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons at Boston College Eagles -1.5

Boston College is awful. Not really sure if Jeff Jags or Gene DeFilipo have had a worse offseason. If Barry gets his way the BC offense would be eligible for TARP funds.

Taking BC because they are at home.

Illinois Fighting Illini at Ohio State Buckeyes -14

Too many points. I look stupid for my Big Ten sleeper pick, serves me right for hitching my wagon to Zook’s star. But Jimmy T and Pryor have got to prove that they understand that point of offense is to score points before I give two touchdowns to a conference opponent not named Indiana.

Illinois looked terrible against Mizzou and will be blown out at the ‘shoe.

TCU Horned Frogs at Clemson Tigers -2.5

Gary Patterson was a candidate for Dabo’s job before he got the interim tag removed. I love Gary, but I think that Parker and the Tigers can protect Death Valley and come out ahead by more than a field goal. Clemson’s speed on the perimeter will make the difference. The real pregame headline is that this game, arguably the best of the weekend, is not being televised. Inexusable. Ricky Proctor is ready to take ESPN by force.

TCU will win the game outright.

LSU Tigers at Mississippi State Bulldogs +12.5

Starksville is not the easiest place to play, but I don’t think the Mullen and Co have enough to keep this one within two TDs. LSU needs to start racking up Ws before the calendar turns to October and they face the Dawgs, Gators, Allbarn and then the Tide and Rebs in Nov.

No pick from Cheney

Arkansas Razorbacks at Alabama Crimson Tide -17.5

That is a big spread, real big spread. I was watching College Football Live yesterday and Trevor Madich was showing Ryan Mallet highlights. He was showing Mallet reading the defense in his drop and lining up his body and making good decision and correct throws. I was very impressed. But I am swallowing hard and giving the hogs the points. I am all over the Tide this year, and think Saban is going to use this prime CBS game to kick some ass and send a message. They the most complete football team playing on Saturdays in America.

Can the offense and Mallett lead the Hogs to a victory? No way, but the score will be closer than 17. Grandpa Chaney is anxiously awaiting this game. Pig Sooie.

California Golden Bears at Oregon Ducks +5.5

Rumors are that the Ducks are going to be rocking retro uniforms in this game, and I think the Autzen fans will be enough to keep this game close. Spread seems a little big to me and this will be the second straight road game for the Bears after going to Minnesota last week. Javid Best is the heisman front runner, but I think it was important for the Kevin Riley to make some big throws to keep the Gopher charge at bay. The duck O has been underwhelming, but I think the home cooking will do wonders.

Do Cal athletes "walk-out" too? Cal might be a mess, but the football team is good and Jahvid Best is awesome.

North Carolina Heels at Georgia Tech Jackets -2.5

I don’t see an overrated Heel team winning in Bobby Dodd. I am going down with PJ ship, he has refused to cover for me yet this year. Although it was my fault last week for going against Black Ken Dorsey. I now have a few more rules for college football picks, under no circumstances should you go against …….

1) Southern Miss at home at night, especially on Thursday

2) Hokies in Blacksburg on a Thursday night

3) Jacory Harris

4) Brian Kelly

5) Tom O’brien against the Tar Heels

6) Jim Tressel against Michigan

If you feel the need to, just stay away from the game. Thank me later.

Jacory Harris was great, but still surprised Georgia Tech didn't do better against Miami, especially running the ball. North Carolina will win this game.

Pittsburgh Panthers at NC State Wolfpack -1

Panthers have been impressive so far this season, but can’t take Death Spiral Dave on the road. Hopefully the Wolfpack have turned a corner and don’t need to lose four games before they start playing well.

No pick from Cheney

Notre Dame Fighting Irish at Purdue Boilermakers +7

Notre Dame’s defense is terrible and Jimmy’s not 100%, but I think the Irish can cover the spread even if I am not sure how. I hope Clausen’s injury doesn’t hamper him, because watching him pilot the Irish offense has become must tv. They are the ESPN night game, check it out. Don’t feel great about this spread, but I think the game will go over 60.

Notre Dame sucks.

Texas Tech Red Raiders at Houston Cougars -1

Raiders hung tough last week in Austin, but came out with a L. The second straight road night game won’t be any easier. I think the Case Keenum and the Cougs keep it up.

Texas Tech didn't look all that bad in Austin. At PK, I'll take the Red Raiders.

Reunion Friday Night

I need to make two points before I undertake a recap of the most power-packed Friday night of my life.

1) I need to get one of those breathalyzers that drunks use to prevent them from getting additional DUIs for my laptop. I got crushed on Friday night and ended up order 3 hooded sweatshirts and a mesh practice hat from the Toledo Rocket team store.

2) Just finished Manhunt by James Swanson. Its about the 12 days after Lincoln was shot until Booth was killed. Very good, a lot like Erik Larson’s books. I am currently jumping into Joe Posanski’s new book about the 1975 Reds.

Here we go……

Friday Night of Reunion Weekend

3pm- Land in Charlotte-Douglas, call Timmy to let him know. Sit in the airport in a famous CDI rocking chair, listening to Appetite for Destruction and people watching, while pretending to read. Even though this will be the first time I have set foot on sacred Dcat ground since walking off the stage drunk and hi-fiving Dr. Lou Ortmayer, I have been to Charlotte-Douglas about ten times since graduation. Underrated airport, the gates/terminals are piss poor but the main terminal is actually pretty sweet.

330pm- Timmy picks me up, I can all feel the onslaught of brotherhood that is upon us. We catch up and head back to his apartment, throw on some tv and start pounding beers and having a one on one brotherhood, before we have to get back to airport to pick up Wilson. I had about four beers, and because I still get drunk after beer #3 I start to stumble around the apartment.

5pm- Head to airport to pick up Wilson, the drive sobers me up. We scoop up 6 and make our way to exit 30. Unfortunately we don’t have any beer in the car, so we hit a gas station close to airport and pick up two tall boy Miller Lites and Timmy grabs me a tin of dip.

530pm- Finish the beers, pull off at Exit 28 to another “gas station”. I put gas station is quotes because it was Cashion’s on Exit 28 with the world famous beer cave. Snap up 12 Southpaw bottles, 12 beast lite cans, some gum and two disposable cameras. Timmy is the king of Charlotte real estate so we force him to find one of his signs and take pictures by it.

6pm- Pull off 77 on to Exit 30, don’t recognize it anymore. There is all this new red brick construction including the hotel that we are staying at. Walk in and behind the desk there is a Dcat homecoming display, featuring jersey #51. Now if you haven’t read one of the hundreds of books written about the 2000 10-0 Cats, you might not know that #51 is retired because of Jon “Hell in the Middle” Davis. Davis aka Kid Kabob will be meeting up with us in the next couple of hours and no one would get more joy over having their jersey featured in a hotel lobby, so Timmy, Wilson and I are borderline giddy with this surprise in our back pocket

630pm- Call a car service and head to Vinnie’s Raw Bar, http://www.vinniesrawbar.com/, a staple of our college experience and a place that serves $1 bottle beer and has jailbait hostesses. Crush the porch overlooking Lake Norman with buckets of blue gills and some solid apps.

800pm- Order food, Davis shows up, crush bucket #4. Timmy lobbies unsuccessfully lobbies to take home the inflatable tackling dummy. Pile into the JailBlazer and head back to the hotel

9pm- walk into the lobby and show Davis his jersey display, he gets jacked up. Head up to the room and slam cold beer while wearing sunglasses. Davis breaks out the ipod dock and we start getting fired up for the night ahead. I think we might have played that Kings of Leon Sex is on Fire song ten times, leading to asking each other throughout the night “Psss…Hey (insert name) is your sex on fire?”

10pm- head on over to the Brickhouse, the one bar in Davidson College, and start the reunion. BTW, I am of course rocking a Riggins Rigs tshirt and orange rimmed aviators while everyone else is in some sort of button down/sweater. I refuse to wear the prep uniform on vacation.

1015pm- See The Vogs and can immediately tell that Out-at-Davidson Vogs has come to play. If you read this blog regularly you may have read an early post I had about the different versions of yourself, well Out-at-Davidson Vogs is the greatest version of any female in the history of time. Hug a bunch of people, take a couple of shot, drink a handful of beers.

11pm- Head out to the porch to find Chuck, my frosh/soph roommate. Emotional reunion. Hang out with more dudes from 2^nd Rich that ended up being my friends all throughout college. Get fired up as I hear that a few people have started watching FNL because of my recommendation and have the DVDs in their Netflix list. I need to be able to talk about Eric, Buddy, and the Riggins brothers with everyone I know.

120am- Realize it is getting close to last call. At this point I believe I have two choices….A) stay until the bar closes and head back to the hotel or B) Call the Vamanos Van and head to campus. Obviously I choose the latter. Unable to rally anybody to come with me, I board the Vamanos Van and chat up the driver. Confused that it wasn’t a student behind the wheel, I nonetheless tell him to take me to F (huge Senior apartment complex).

130am- Completely ignored by everyone for about 20 minutes, until I convinced 3 dudes and one girl to let me shotgun a beer with them, leading to me getting on a Beirut team. At this point, I am crushed which means I am awesome from cups 10 to 3, but can’t hit the final two to save my life. Luckily, I have a teammate that can knock down the last two, two games in a row.

3am – Party breaks up, call Wilson to see where those guys are. Find out that they made it to campus and were at the outpost. Head across Patterson Court to the outpost, find Timmy, Wilson, The Vogs, Christina, and some other 2004 grads. Head to Connor for a late night dance party. Shirts off, champagne bottles open, complete domination, Davis shows up half boasting/half complaining about his $400 bar tab. Pretty sure the cops came and broke it up around 5.

5am- make a break for the hotel, get lost. Call Wilson who is the back of a cop car that he and Timmy convinced to drive them back to the hotel. The cop is able to find me based off the cross streets I gave him. Head back the hotel, try to tip Johnny Law with a 20 spot.

530am- pass out on the pull out couch

Saturday/Sunday recap to come……..

Week 2 NFL (Ricky Proctor Guest)

We have a special guest picking against me for tomorrow’s slate of NFL games. A native Floridian, Davidson Wildcat, huge football fan and a Miami Dolphin season ticket holder, Ricky Proctor goes against me this week. I am excited to have him, and as a reminder if you are interested I going against me in NCAA or NFL games shoot me an email. Ricky’s thoughts are in italics and below are his intros and the picks for the week. And always….I am very stupid so please don’t put money on my picks.

First off I want to thank Stevo for having me; you are a great American and a great friend, and I am honored to be one of your original guests. Secondly, these picks are strictly for fun and we are not using this for gambling purposes. I am not betting on these games and I am not offering these picks for others to bet on these games. Thirdly, I am not a geek who does lots of research for this kind of stuff. Most of it is off the cuff from my own perspective and observations and not someone else’s, so spare me if I don’t spell a player’s name right or if I am slightly off on a stat. Ok, let the games begin.

Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs -3

I think it might be a little bit too much to expect the Raiders to play well two weeks in a row and especially with this one on the road. I think a healthy Cassel (probable) makes the difference and the Arrowhead crowd sees their Chiefs win and cover the spread.

Kansas City was as impressive on the road at Baltimore last week as Oakland was at home against San Diego. Both games came down to the final minutes and both teams suffered disappointing losses. I give the advantage this week to the Chiefs in their first game at Arrowhead, which is always a tough place to play. Whether Matt Cassel or Brodie Croyle starts at QB, I think either one will be effective and do just enough to beat the Raiders. I like Todd Haley as the new head coach in Kansas City, and he seems a lot more innovative than Tom Cable who is more known for fighting his assistants. I am taking the Chiefs and giving the points in this one. By the way, I am still in shock that Louis Murphy not only starts for the Raiders, but should already have 2 TD’s on the year as one was wrongly overturned last week at the insane asylum in Oakland.

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans -7

Not a real big fan of this Texans team, but these AFC South always play each other very tight. I still get over how open Chansi Stuckey was in the middle of the field last week in Houston. Jeff Fisher is an unbelievable football coach and doesn’t get enough credit. Who would you take over him to run your team? Billy, obviously, but he is such a tool and zero fun unless he is breaking up marriages. Might be a fight to the death between Fisher and Shaft. Taking the Texans and the 7.

The Titans put up a good showing in a tough overtime loss at the Steelers last week and I expect them to roll against an overrated Texans team with a gimpy Andre Johnson. I think that Smash and Dash will have a good outing and I expect Kerry Collins (the modern day version of Jeff George/Steve Deberg) to continue to manage the offense well just like last year. I am guessing they will be rightfully honoring the late great Steve McNair at some point during this game, so I am sure the Titans will be even more fired up to win big. I am taking the Titans and giving the points.

New England Patriots at New York Jets +3.5

One of the best games of the weekend. I don’t ever bet against Brady so I am taking the Pats, but I am really excited to see the Jets D against Tommy. And while I think that Rex Ryan is a buffoon, he is starting to get me on his side. I love the fact that he is super fat and leaves voicemails for his season ticket holders. Sports aren’t supposed to be sterile, they should be full of characters that thrive under the spotlight. But Rex might have Curt Schilling disease.

I learned a long time ago to not threaten Bill Belichick with a good time. Well, last week he was threatened by the Bills, and this summer he was threatened by Rex Ryan. The Jets are starting a rookie QB in his first home game against BB and Co. Despite the fact that the Jets defense looks tough with the additions of Bart Scott and Jim Leonard, and the Pats defense looks questionable, I am picking the Patriots based on the momentum Tom Brady gained in the fourth quarter last week. They will only get better as he gets more comfortable. Maybe Randy Moss can get me 70 fantasy points this week with a touchdown or two. Rex Ryan may not be intimidated, but how could you not be intimidated by someone that looks like as much of a slob as BB does in that cutoff nighty that he wears. The sad thing is that he has his initials inscribed on that rug as if someone may not know who to bring it to if he ever misplaced it. He is however a master of adjustments, and they will successfully make the necessary ones this week. I am also not sure why the Jets are claiming this is their “Super Bowl” if they are 1-0 with the normal aspirations of a 1-0 team and are not intimidated. Kerry Rhodes is also adding fuel to the fire saying the Jets want to “embarrass” the Pats. Last I checked, the Patriots have won 8 straight at the Meadowlands, and this trend will not change on Sunday. Talk is cheap. I am taking the Pats and giving the points. Remember, this is only for fun, and I hope our good friend Chansi Stuckey lights up the Patriots and scores another TD or two this week. I just think the line is a little low for what has occurred in recent years between these two teams.

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers -9

That line is too big. Green Bay was not impressive last week and I think Palmer and that D can keep it within a TD. I am really starting to hate Aaron Rodgers, all the announcers are all over his taint because he handled the Favre thing so well, so dickhole had the audacity to say that Rodgers should have had that job a year or two earlier. THEY WERE 13-3 IN BRETT”S LAST YEAR, they won like 5 games last year and two were against the Lions. He’s the good son of NFC North QBs while Jay is grounded for having the audacity to get pissed off after he was lied to repeatedly. I hate Aaron Rodgers, he blows goats.

I love Hard Knocks just as much as the next guy, but the Bengals have no chance in this game and no chance of covering after that disastrous ending to last week’s game against the Broncos. For those who missed it, Kyle Orton delivered a tipped ball LSU/Kentucky style hail mary to Brandon Stokley with 20 seconds left to give the Bengals a devastating 12-7 loss in a classic shootout. It gets no easier for them on Sunday as the Packers will roll behind Aaron Rogers and Greg Jennings and a defense that looks to be pretty stout after their 4 INT performance last week against Stevo. I am taking the Packers and giving the points.

Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions +10

Adrian Petersen is a god damn nightmare and that defensive front isn’t helping me sleep either. I can’t drink on Sundays anymore because I would break my tv with all those commercials of him killing everyone on. What is even more disturbing is that his real life runs are more disgusting than his choreographed commercials. My hate for him is on a Albert Pujols level, which is extremely high and combined with a extreme level of jealousy.

Minnesota looked impressive last week at Cleveland as AP ran all over the place and Favre looked pretty comfortable. Percy Harvin also looks like he could emerge as one of Favre’s go-to guys and make a run at rookie of the year. Detroit did not look impressive with a rookie QB putting up a classic rookie QB line of 16-37, 205 yards, and 3 INT. THAT DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!! Minnesota will have no problem scoring 35 points again, and their defense is much better than that of New Orleans, so you can forget about Detroit scoring 27 this week. I am taking the Vikings and giving the points.

New Orleans Saints at Philadelphia Eagles +1.5

Unless Drew Brees’s deal with the devil is over, I can’t see a hobbled McNabb or a healthy but terrible Kolb winning this duel. The Iggles need to get #5 because that O was scary last week. But I would sell high on the Saints right now. Their D will not hold up and if you are one dimensional in the NFL, you can’t win long term.

No McNabb, No Vick, no problem for the Saints. I don’t know much about Kevin Kolb, but I do know that the Saints’ explosive offense will require Kolb to put up some pretty big numbers for Philly to have a chance. That will not happen as Drew Brees, coming off of a 6 TD performance last week will continue to hit his deep and talented receiving group of Marques Colston, Robert Meachem, Lance Moore, Devery Henderson, and the seemingly rejuvenated Jeremy Shockey for more passing TD’s. Maybe Jeremy Shockey spent an extra week raging in Cabo before camp started, because it looks like he may be back on track. I am taking the Saints in a pick ‘em if McNabb does not play, and taking the Saints +4 if he does play.

Carolina Black Cats at Atlanta Falcons -6

I was tempted to take the 6 and the Panthers, I think that Fox and Delhomme are survivors and can comeback strong. But then I realized that I would be taking the Falcons even if Good Jake shows up, because the Panthers have no DTs who are worth a shit. Jon Beason is going get murdered this season, Urlacher should send him a note saying, “now you know what the last two years have been like getting protected by the sack of crap formerly known as Tommie Harris.” I hate Tommie Harris and I hate the Bears for paying him and babying him.

Funny that the one team who may have played worse than the Carolina Panthers last week was the Miami Dolphins. Miami lost to Atlanta 19-7 after turning the ball over 4 times and letting the Dirty Birds start every drive from the Miami 40 or so. My point is that Atlanta did not look overly impressive as Matt Ryan missed a number of wide open chances, Michael Turner was slowed down, and Atlanta played less badly in a game they should have won 38-7, not 19-7. Carolina is coming off of one of the worst losses of the John Fox era, but I expect them to rebound and show a lot of pride. Jake Delhomme will show you there is a reason he starts instead of Matt Moore, and the running game will be found again. 25 carries for 72 yards between DeAngelo Williams/Jonathan Stewart does not cut it, and I don’t expect two talented backs to play so poorly two weeks in a row. Carolina will at the very least cover and may well steal a win against the overrated Falcons. I am taking the Panthers and the points.

St. Louis Rams at Washington Redskins -9.5

Washington has a great run D and Steven Jax is the Rams only offense. I don’t really want to take Jason Campbell and give 9.5, but I don’t really have any other choice. I love Coach Spags Flattop, they need to make a comeback.

Just like my basic human instincts tell me never to bet against New England (except last Monday), those same instincts tell me to always bet against the Redskins. St. Louis is awful, but so is Washington and 9.5 is a lot of points. Not much else to say besides two bad teams with two bad coaches. I am taking the Rams and the points because neither team should ever be favored by this much if we aren’t sure they will score this much.

Arizona Cardinals at Jacksonville Jaguars -3

The Cardinals are on my “might suck” list, but I refuse to take teams that can’t sell out. I think having Boldin on the other side will cure the ills from last week.

This game is one of the tougher ones for me to get a feel for. Arizona struggled with a limited Anquan Boldin and no Steve Breaston last week, so the 49ers were able to double Fitzgerald and make life tough on Kurt Warner. However, those two are probable this week, and I think you will see a much better performance from the Arizona offense. Jacksonville went up to Indy and showed they have an improved defense and held the usually high scoring Colts to 14 points in a tough loss. I know there is some statistic about the Super Bowl runner up usually not making the playoffs the next year, but I wonder how many start 0-2 vs. sub .500 teams from the year before? Probably not many. I am taking Arizona and the points.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers -1

If I am the 49ers I pull the offer to Crabtree and let him go back in the draft especially if they want to keep Singletary out of jail. Samurai Mike will murder him. Making the Niners prove last week wasn’t a fluke, taking the Seahawks. I still Matty has a couple of years left in that back.

Mike Singletary is an awesome coach that does awesome things and was an awesome player, but I think Seattle will be too much this weekend. Matt Hasselbeck finally has a #1 receiver in T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and John Carlson has emerged has a great TE that is extremely underrated. Julius Jones had a buck twenty rushing and the defense pitched a shutout last week, so I like the balance even though it all came against the Rams. I think San Francisco was lucky that Arizona was not at full strength last week. I expect the steady Seahawks to keep rolling as they are lead by a still plenty capable QB in Matt Hasselbeck who knows how to win football games. I am taking the Seahawks and the points.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Buffalo Bills -4

Can’t take the Bucs until they prove to be somewhat competent on defense. Really happy for the Davis family that the Caddy was back and looking like a man possessed. I don’t hate Jauron nearly as much as I hate Death Spiral Dave Wannestadt, and I think he prepares his team well and they play hard. That will be enough against wannabe Tomlin and Bryon “need to start to throw on second down to complete a pass on third down” Leftwich.

After that travesty of a final 3 minutes for Buffalo against the Patriots on Monday night, it is tough to see how they would be able to recover from such a devastating ending in a short week. Up 24-13 at NWE with 3 minutes left and lose in regulation? Not good. However, there may be no better team to face than a rebuilding Tampa Bay team coming to Orchard Park. Even though T.O is already self destructing and will ultimately bring down the rest of the team/franchise/town/fan base with him, he does not have enough time to destroy everything by Sunday. This is a layup for the Bills, and I am taking them and giving the points.

Cleveland Browns at Denver Broncos -3

I would rather sit through another Davidson College Art History Class (failed it miserably) than watch these pukey teams play putrid football. I hate Mangenius and Bill’s Boy Wonder equally and think their smary copycat way sucks and are zero fun. It would kill me if the Broncos started 2-0, so I’ll take the Browns and not feel good about it.

Let’s call a spade a spade here, Denver got so lucky when the Bengals fell asleep at the wheel for that last play and somehow managed to make Brandon Stokley look like he runs a 4.3 forty yard dash. Both of these teams are bad, really bad. I still can’t get over the image of Brandon Marshall intentionally batting down passes thrown to him to make a statement in camp after saying he was “not even close to learning the playbook.” And he played in week 1? I am not sure what Josh McDaniels was up to when he told Jay Cutler to pack his bags this summer and then suspended Brandon Marshall for the last week of camp (a.k.a. vacation for him). Then McDaniels lets Marshall suit up last week like everything was normal? McDaniels vs. Mangini, two former BB grunt workers turned position coaches turned coordinators turned head coaches. I will go with Mangini in this one as I think he has more talent on the offensive side of the ball with Quinn, Jamal Lewis, Braylon Edwards, and Josh Cribbs. Sorry My Name is Earl, I mean Kyle Orton, you will not be 2-0 to start this year. I am taking the Browns and the points.

Baltimore Ravens at San Diego Chargers -3

Falling in love with Harbaugh, Flacco and Rice, really not all that excited to play them in December. The Chargers are so overrated and seem to be sissies. Still taking them at home and giving the three.

Now this is a great matchup, and the last four games all seem to be pretty intriguing. San Diego snuck out of that loony bin in Oakland with a W somehow, and Baltimore gave up way more points to KC than I thought they would. However, LT hurt his ankle against the Raiders (shocker he is already banged up) and I did not see San Diego getting that many rushing yards in this game even with Tomlinson at full strength. Good thing they have Darren Sproles to throw at Baltimore to change it up and mitigate LT’s ankle injury a bit. If San Diego had better receivers, I would pick them to win this game, but they don’t. According to Norv Turner, Vincent Jackson will be a top 5 receiver in this league. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Chris Chambers is a shadow of his former self, and Antonio Gates is good, but not good enough to stretch the field alone against the Ravens defense. Ed Reed and Ray Lewis are still there, therefore the Baltimore defense is still very good, and they will have zero problem stopping the run. Joe Flacco looks poised to have another strong year and avoid any kind of sophomore slump ala Reggie Bush or Vince Young. Plus Baltimore has a nice rotation of backs with Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, and Le’Ron McClain. I am taking the Ravens and the points.

Pittsburgh Steelers at DA Bears +3

PASS

In another classic matchup, I see this being a close, relatively low scoring game. The Steelers are coming off of an absolute dog fight against the Titans, and the Bears lost a heartbreaker at Green Bay on Sunday night. Cutler has vowed to make up for his 4 INT performance, and I believe him. He did the same thing after playing poorly in their first preseason game against Buffalo, and then came out looking like Johnny Unitas in the Bears next game. Also, the Steelers will not be able to just start to play when they feel like it this time out (sometime in the fourth quarter or overtime) at Soldier Field. If the Super Bowl champs don’t show up ready to play from the first snap, they will get run out of the stadium by a good and mildly desperate Bears team that knows it can’t start 0-2. The Bears only lost by 4 last weekend in Green Bay after throwing 4 INT’s, so their defense kept them in the game and they still did some good things on offense. I expect the Bears defense (even without Brian Urlacher) to hold the Steelers to less than 20 points. The Bears will cover, and if they get the ball in the hands of Devin Hester enough, they will win the game. Hester should return all kicks and all punts and should be the #1 option at receiver and even play defense if need be. Anything it takes to keep from falling to 0-2 when you know Green Bay and Minnesota will both be 2-0 after the weekend. I am taking Chicago and the points.

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys -3

The opener of the BossHog Bowl on Sunday night will be christened with a Cowboys victory. Its early season Romo and a Giants offense still finding their way. Also Cowboys lack of depth won’t become a problem until injuries start to mount.

Hopefully they have fixed the jumbotron issue with the punts, because that was a disaster for Jerry Jones and an embarrassing way to unveil the new stadium. I like the matchups here at running back in Brandon Jacobs against Marion the Barbarian. Although Dallas looked good at Tampa last weekend, it is tough to pick against the New York Giants. With the return of Osi Umenyiora, the Giants defense looks great, and I have never seen so many no name receivers do just fine week in and week out. The Plaxico saga has finally quieted down, and the Giants seemed to have a sense of calmness in them last week against Washington like they are finally starting fresh post-Plaxico Burress. Eli Manning continues to get better every year, and Brandon Jacobs should still have a monster year despite a slow start. Taking the Giants and the points.

Indianapolis Colts at Miami Dolphins +3

Piss poor showing from Drick’s Fins last week in Atlanta, combined with the fact that I don’t bet against Peyton Manning makes this an easy one. Ignore the inauspicious start last week from the Colts, as a said earlier the AFC South games are always tight and a little bit weird.

Indianapolis is always a tough matchup for anyone, but I think the Dolphins defense can stifle the Colts on Monday night. Indy beat Jacksonville just 14-12 last week at home and they do not seem like they are quite like the old Tony Dungy Colts teams under Jim Caldwell. Even though the Dolphins looked awful last weekend against Atlanta, their defense played well only giving up 19 points after the offense turned the ball over 4 times and the Falcons continuously started drives in Miami territory. Miami had a lot of nice wrinkles that were just poorly executed in Week 1. I expect the Dolphins to use some of the same wrinkles out of the Wildcat to get the ball in the hands of Ted Ginn, Jr. and potentially use QB Pat White at times again. This is also a huge game for Chad Pennington as the Miami faithful are growing restless with performances like Sunday’s. With Anthony Gonzalez out, I think the Colts become more one dimensional at receiver. Yes Reggie Wayne is very good, but he does not scare me as much without a complimentary guy like Gonzalez. Unless Indy can run the ball surprisingly well with Joseph Addai/Donald Brown, I think it will be a long night for the Colts and the Dolphins will get back on track. The Dolphins did a nice job against Michael Turner and I see Addai and Brown as much less of a threat than Turner/Norwood. I think the Dolphins cover in a great performance by their defense, and that will score just enough to win a game in the teens. I take the Dolphins and the points.

College Picks Week 3 (no guest)

Here we are already at week 3, which is being dubbed as “Revenge Week.” I failed to get someone to pick against me this week. As always, my stupid picks are only for entertainment purposes only.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Miami Hurricanes (-4)

Spread seems big to me and even though the rule of thumb is always take the home team on Thursday nights, I am going to take the Jackets. This is a tough pick because Miami has had 10 days to prepare for the option and a lighting fast D. If the Jackets played on Saturday instead of last Thursday or if Miami’s home field was anywhere close to Blacksburg or Hattiesburg on a Thursday night, I would be going a different way. Over 54

Navy Midshipman at Pittsburgh Panthers (-7)

Pittsburgh is going to keep the clock rolling with a productive running game and will cover. These two teams playing is the football equivalent of Mark Buerhle pitching for both teams. If they sold beer at this game the vendors would be pissed. I am going to be seeing this Panthers in person at Carter-Finley next week. Under 51.5

BC Eagles at Clemson Tigers (-7)

Color me impressed with the Tigers taking everything the Jackets could throw at them early and have enough fortitude to fight back and take the lead. I have trouble liking any Tiger QB after WP, but Parker has got a shot. Taking the Tigers, giving the points. Over 44.

East Carolina Pirates at North Carolina Tar Heels (7.5)

I would die to be back in Chapel Hill to see these rednecks from GVegas invade their preppy pastel Saturday afternoon. There is no way the Heels cover. Taking the points and the Pirates.

Nebraska Cornhuskers at Virginia Tech Hokies (-5)

Nebraska is not good. Taking Hokies giving the points.

Michigan State Spartans at Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-10)

6 in a row in South Bend for Sparty, won’t be 7. But I expect them come back and play hard against the Irish after the L to the Chippewas and cover the spread. But the stories of the fall so far are the breakout of the Irish offense and Sara Paxton on that model show (Wednesday 9/8c on the CW), watching Jimmy Pilot that thing with Floyd and Tate on the outside is a thing a beauty. There are not too many things I appreciate more on the college level than a well run pro style offense. Over 55.5

West Virginia Mountaineers at Auburn Tigers (-7)

Gus the Great has done an excellent job turning around the Allbarn offense, but I just don’t think they have the horses to protect Jordan-Hare against the invading Mountaineers. Take WV and the points. Over 54

Tennessee Volunteers at Florida Gators (-29.5)

So Urban and Jesus haven’t played a real opponent yet and the first chance they get to bust their load is against the hated Volunteers, who lost to a great coach and a bad team last week, and their trash talking coach. After the vengeance killings last year against LSU and Georgia last year, I am taking the Gators and giving the four plus touchdowns. Over 53.

California Bears at Minnesota Golden Gophers (+14)

I expect a frisky Gopher team, not enough to win but enough to cover. The combination of a Bear team heading east and a settled down Weber with Eric Decker will be enough to cover. Under 53.

Florida State Seminoles at BYU Cougars (-8)

Florida State is terrible. Cougars. Under 54.5

Georgia Bulldogs at Arkansas Razorbacks (-1.5)

I like Petrino as a football coach, still wouldn’t take the Hogs with a gun to my head. Dawgs. Over 53.5

Texas Tech Red Raiders at Texas Longhorns (17.5)

That spread is huge. I’ll take the 2 touchs and the field goal. McCoy struggle a bit last week and I am not sure if there is a coach on the this planet that deserves that spread over Captain Leach and the Red Raiders. Over 66

Cincy Bearcats at Oregon State Beavers (+1)

Brian Kelly beat my ass for going against him once already and his QB is a hell of a ball player, but I just can’t imagine them getting on the plane and leaving Corvallis with a W. Taking the Beavers. Over 55.