Week 2 NFL (Ricky Proctor Guest)

We have a special guest picking against me for tomorrow’s slate of NFL games. A native Floridian, Davidson Wildcat, huge football fan and a Miami Dolphin season ticket holder, Ricky Proctor goes against me this week. I am excited to have him, and as a reminder if you are interested I going against me in NCAA or NFL games shoot me an email. Ricky’s thoughts are in italics and below are his intros and the picks for the week. And always….I am very stupid so please don’t put money on my picks.

First off I want to thank Stevo for having me; you are a great American and a great friend, and I am honored to be one of your original guests. Secondly, these picks are strictly for fun and we are not using this for gambling purposes. I am not betting on these games and I am not offering these picks for others to bet on these games. Thirdly, I am not a geek who does lots of research for this kind of stuff. Most of it is off the cuff from my own perspective and observations and not someone else’s, so spare me if I don’t spell a player’s name right or if I am slightly off on a stat. Ok, let the games begin.

Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs -3

I think it might be a little bit too much to expect the Raiders to play well two weeks in a row and especially with this one on the road. I think a healthy Cassel (probable) makes the difference and the Arrowhead crowd sees their Chiefs win and cover the spread.

Kansas City was as impressive on the road at Baltimore last week as Oakland was at home against San Diego. Both games came down to the final minutes and both teams suffered disappointing losses. I give the advantage this week to the Chiefs in their first game at Arrowhead, which is always a tough place to play. Whether Matt Cassel or Brodie Croyle starts at QB, I think either one will be effective and do just enough to beat the Raiders. I like Todd Haley as the new head coach in Kansas City, and he seems a lot more innovative than Tom Cable who is more known for fighting his assistants. I am taking the Chiefs and giving the points in this one. By the way, I am still in shock that Louis Murphy not only starts for the Raiders, but should already have 2 TD’s on the year as one was wrongly overturned last week at the insane asylum in Oakland.

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans -7

Not a real big fan of this Texans team, but these AFC South always play each other very tight. I still get over how open Chansi Stuckey was in the middle of the field last week in Houston. Jeff Fisher is an unbelievable football coach and doesn’t get enough credit. Who would you take over him to run your team? Billy, obviously, but he is such a tool and zero fun unless he is breaking up marriages. Might be a fight to the death between Fisher and Shaft. Taking the Texans and the 7.

The Titans put up a good showing in a tough overtime loss at the Steelers last week and I expect them to roll against an overrated Texans team with a gimpy Andre Johnson. I think that Smash and Dash will have a good outing and I expect Kerry Collins (the modern day version of Jeff George/Steve Deberg) to continue to manage the offense well just like last year. I am guessing they will be rightfully honoring the late great Steve McNair at some point during this game, so I am sure the Titans will be even more fired up to win big. I am taking the Titans and giving the points.

New England Patriots at New York Jets +3.5

One of the best games of the weekend. I don’t ever bet against Brady so I am taking the Pats, but I am really excited to see the Jets D against Tommy. And while I think that Rex Ryan is a buffoon, he is starting to get me on his side. I love the fact that he is super fat and leaves voicemails for his season ticket holders. Sports aren’t supposed to be sterile, they should be full of characters that thrive under the spotlight. But Rex might have Curt Schilling disease.

I learned a long time ago to not threaten Bill Belichick with a good time. Well, last week he was threatened by the Bills, and this summer he was threatened by Rex Ryan. The Jets are starting a rookie QB in his first home game against BB and Co. Despite the fact that the Jets defense looks tough with the additions of Bart Scott and Jim Leonard, and the Pats defense looks questionable, I am picking the Patriots based on the momentum Tom Brady gained in the fourth quarter last week. They will only get better as he gets more comfortable. Maybe Randy Moss can get me 70 fantasy points this week with a touchdown or two. Rex Ryan may not be intimidated, but how could you not be intimidated by someone that looks like as much of a slob as BB does in that cutoff nighty that he wears. The sad thing is that he has his initials inscribed on that rug as if someone may not know who to bring it to if he ever misplaced it. He is however a master of adjustments, and they will successfully make the necessary ones this week. I am also not sure why the Jets are claiming this is their “Super Bowl” if they are 1-0 with the normal aspirations of a 1-0 team and are not intimidated. Kerry Rhodes is also adding fuel to the fire saying the Jets want to “embarrass” the Pats. Last I checked, the Patriots have won 8 straight at the Meadowlands, and this trend will not change on Sunday. Talk is cheap. I am taking the Pats and giving the points. Remember, this is only for fun, and I hope our good friend Chansi Stuckey lights up the Patriots and scores another TD or two this week. I just think the line is a little low for what has occurred in recent years between these two teams.

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers -9

That line is too big. Green Bay was not impressive last week and I think Palmer and that D can keep it within a TD. I am really starting to hate Aaron Rodgers, all the announcers are all over his taint because he handled the Favre thing so well, so dickhole had the audacity to say that Rodgers should have had that job a year or two earlier. THEY WERE 13-3 IN BRETT”S LAST YEAR, they won like 5 games last year and two were against the Lions. He’s the good son of NFC North QBs while Jay is grounded for having the audacity to get pissed off after he was lied to repeatedly. I hate Aaron Rodgers, he blows goats.

I love Hard Knocks just as much as the next guy, but the Bengals have no chance in this game and no chance of covering after that disastrous ending to last week’s game against the Broncos. For those who missed it, Kyle Orton delivered a tipped ball LSU/Kentucky style hail mary to Brandon Stokley with 20 seconds left to give the Bengals a devastating 12-7 loss in a classic shootout. It gets no easier for them on Sunday as the Packers will roll behind Aaron Rogers and Greg Jennings and a defense that looks to be pretty stout after their 4 INT performance last week against Stevo. I am taking the Packers and giving the points.

Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions +10

Adrian Petersen is a god damn nightmare and that defensive front isn’t helping me sleep either. I can’t drink on Sundays anymore because I would break my tv with all those commercials of him killing everyone on. What is even more disturbing is that his real life runs are more disgusting than his choreographed commercials. My hate for him is on a Albert Pujols level, which is extremely high and combined with a extreme level of jealousy.

Minnesota looked impressive last week at Cleveland as AP ran all over the place and Favre looked pretty comfortable. Percy Harvin also looks like he could emerge as one of Favre’s go-to guys and make a run at rookie of the year. Detroit did not look impressive with a rookie QB putting up a classic rookie QB line of 16-37, 205 yards, and 3 INT. THAT DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!! Minnesota will have no problem scoring 35 points again, and their defense is much better than that of New Orleans, so you can forget about Detroit scoring 27 this week. I am taking the Vikings and giving the points.

New Orleans Saints at Philadelphia Eagles +1.5

Unless Drew Brees’s deal with the devil is over, I can’t see a hobbled McNabb or a healthy but terrible Kolb winning this duel. The Iggles need to get #5 because that O was scary last week. But I would sell high on the Saints right now. Their D will not hold up and if you are one dimensional in the NFL, you can’t win long term.

No McNabb, No Vick, no problem for the Saints. I don’t know much about Kevin Kolb, but I do know that the Saints’ explosive offense will require Kolb to put up some pretty big numbers for Philly to have a chance. That will not happen as Drew Brees, coming off of a 6 TD performance last week will continue to hit his deep and talented receiving group of Marques Colston, Robert Meachem, Lance Moore, Devery Henderson, and the seemingly rejuvenated Jeremy Shockey for more passing TD’s. Maybe Jeremy Shockey spent an extra week raging in Cabo before camp started, because it looks like he may be back on track. I am taking the Saints in a pick ‘em if McNabb does not play, and taking the Saints +4 if he does play.

Carolina Black Cats at Atlanta Falcons -6

I was tempted to take the 6 and the Panthers, I think that Fox and Delhomme are survivors and can comeback strong. But then I realized that I would be taking the Falcons even if Good Jake shows up, because the Panthers have no DTs who are worth a shit. Jon Beason is going get murdered this season, Urlacher should send him a note saying, “now you know what the last two years have been like getting protected by the sack of crap formerly known as Tommie Harris.” I hate Tommie Harris and I hate the Bears for paying him and babying him.

Funny that the one team who may have played worse than the Carolina Panthers last week was the Miami Dolphins. Miami lost to Atlanta 19-7 after turning the ball over 4 times and letting the Dirty Birds start every drive from the Miami 40 or so. My point is that Atlanta did not look overly impressive as Matt Ryan missed a number of wide open chances, Michael Turner was slowed down, and Atlanta played less badly in a game they should have won 38-7, not 19-7. Carolina is coming off of one of the worst losses of the John Fox era, but I expect them to rebound and show a lot of pride. Jake Delhomme will show you there is a reason he starts instead of Matt Moore, and the running game will be found again. 25 carries for 72 yards between DeAngelo Williams/Jonathan Stewart does not cut it, and I don’t expect two talented backs to play so poorly two weeks in a row. Carolina will at the very least cover and may well steal a win against the overrated Falcons. I am taking the Panthers and the points.

St. Louis Rams at Washington Redskins -9.5

Washington has a great run D and Steven Jax is the Rams only offense. I don’t really want to take Jason Campbell and give 9.5, but I don’t really have any other choice. I love Coach Spags Flattop, they need to make a comeback.

Just like my basic human instincts tell me never to bet against New England (except last Monday), those same instincts tell me to always bet against the Redskins. St. Louis is awful, but so is Washington and 9.5 is a lot of points. Not much else to say besides two bad teams with two bad coaches. I am taking the Rams and the points because neither team should ever be favored by this much if we aren’t sure they will score this much.

Arizona Cardinals at Jacksonville Jaguars -3

The Cardinals are on my “might suck” list, but I refuse to take teams that can’t sell out. I think having Boldin on the other side will cure the ills from last week.

This game is one of the tougher ones for me to get a feel for. Arizona struggled with a limited Anquan Boldin and no Steve Breaston last week, so the 49ers were able to double Fitzgerald and make life tough on Kurt Warner. However, those two are probable this week, and I think you will see a much better performance from the Arizona offense. Jacksonville went up to Indy and showed they have an improved defense and held the usually high scoring Colts to 14 points in a tough loss. I know there is some statistic about the Super Bowl runner up usually not making the playoffs the next year, but I wonder how many start 0-2 vs. sub .500 teams from the year before? Probably not many. I am taking Arizona and the points.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers -1

If I am the 49ers I pull the offer to Crabtree and let him go back in the draft especially if they want to keep Singletary out of jail. Samurai Mike will murder him. Making the Niners prove last week wasn’t a fluke, taking the Seahawks. I still Matty has a couple of years left in that back.

Mike Singletary is an awesome coach that does awesome things and was an awesome player, but I think Seattle will be too much this weekend. Matt Hasselbeck finally has a #1 receiver in T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and John Carlson has emerged has a great TE that is extremely underrated. Julius Jones had a buck twenty rushing and the defense pitched a shutout last week, so I like the balance even though it all came against the Rams. I think San Francisco was lucky that Arizona was not at full strength last week. I expect the steady Seahawks to keep rolling as they are lead by a still plenty capable QB in Matt Hasselbeck who knows how to win football games. I am taking the Seahawks and the points.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Buffalo Bills -4

Can’t take the Bucs until they prove to be somewhat competent on defense. Really happy for the Davis family that the Caddy was back and looking like a man possessed. I don’t hate Jauron nearly as much as I hate Death Spiral Dave Wannestadt, and I think he prepares his team well and they play hard. That will be enough against wannabe Tomlin and Bryon “need to start to throw on second down to complete a pass on third down” Leftwich.

After that travesty of a final 3 minutes for Buffalo against the Patriots on Monday night, it is tough to see how they would be able to recover from such a devastating ending in a short week. Up 24-13 at NWE with 3 minutes left and lose in regulation? Not good. However, there may be no better team to face than a rebuilding Tampa Bay team coming to Orchard Park. Even though T.O is already self destructing and will ultimately bring down the rest of the team/franchise/town/fan base with him, he does not have enough time to destroy everything by Sunday. This is a layup for the Bills, and I am taking them and giving the points.

Cleveland Browns at Denver Broncos -3

I would rather sit through another Davidson College Art History Class (failed it miserably) than watch these pukey teams play putrid football. I hate Mangenius and Bill’s Boy Wonder equally and think their smary copycat way sucks and are zero fun. It would kill me if the Broncos started 2-0, so I’ll take the Browns and not feel good about it.

Let’s call a spade a spade here, Denver got so lucky when the Bengals fell asleep at the wheel for that last play and somehow managed to make Brandon Stokley look like he runs a 4.3 forty yard dash. Both of these teams are bad, really bad. I still can’t get over the image of Brandon Marshall intentionally batting down passes thrown to him to make a statement in camp after saying he was “not even close to learning the playbook.” And he played in week 1? I am not sure what Josh McDaniels was up to when he told Jay Cutler to pack his bags this summer and then suspended Brandon Marshall for the last week of camp (a.k.a. vacation for him). Then McDaniels lets Marshall suit up last week like everything was normal? McDaniels vs. Mangini, two former BB grunt workers turned position coaches turned coordinators turned head coaches. I will go with Mangini in this one as I think he has more talent on the offensive side of the ball with Quinn, Jamal Lewis, Braylon Edwards, and Josh Cribbs. Sorry My Name is Earl, I mean Kyle Orton, you will not be 2-0 to start this year. I am taking the Browns and the points.

Baltimore Ravens at San Diego Chargers -3

Falling in love with Harbaugh, Flacco and Rice, really not all that excited to play them in December. The Chargers are so overrated and seem to be sissies. Still taking them at home and giving the three.

Now this is a great matchup, and the last four games all seem to be pretty intriguing. San Diego snuck out of that loony bin in Oakland with a W somehow, and Baltimore gave up way more points to KC than I thought they would. However, LT hurt his ankle against the Raiders (shocker he is already banged up) and I did not see San Diego getting that many rushing yards in this game even with Tomlinson at full strength. Good thing they have Darren Sproles to throw at Baltimore to change it up and mitigate LT’s ankle injury a bit. If San Diego had better receivers, I would pick them to win this game, but they don’t. According to Norv Turner, Vincent Jackson will be a top 5 receiver in this league. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Chris Chambers is a shadow of his former self, and Antonio Gates is good, but not good enough to stretch the field alone against the Ravens defense. Ed Reed and Ray Lewis are still there, therefore the Baltimore defense is still very good, and they will have zero problem stopping the run. Joe Flacco looks poised to have another strong year and avoid any kind of sophomore slump ala Reggie Bush or Vince Young. Plus Baltimore has a nice rotation of backs with Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, and Le’Ron McClain. I am taking the Ravens and the points.

Pittsburgh Steelers at DA Bears +3

PASS

In another classic matchup, I see this being a close, relatively low scoring game. The Steelers are coming off of an absolute dog fight against the Titans, and the Bears lost a heartbreaker at Green Bay on Sunday night. Cutler has vowed to make up for his 4 INT performance, and I believe him. He did the same thing after playing poorly in their first preseason game against Buffalo, and then came out looking like Johnny Unitas in the Bears next game. Also, the Steelers will not be able to just start to play when they feel like it this time out (sometime in the fourth quarter or overtime) at Soldier Field. If the Super Bowl champs don’t show up ready to play from the first snap, they will get run out of the stadium by a good and mildly desperate Bears team that knows it can’t start 0-2. The Bears only lost by 4 last weekend in Green Bay after throwing 4 INT’s, so their defense kept them in the game and they still did some good things on offense. I expect the Bears defense (even without Brian Urlacher) to hold the Steelers to less than 20 points. The Bears will cover, and if they get the ball in the hands of Devin Hester enough, they will win the game. Hester should return all kicks and all punts and should be the #1 option at receiver and even play defense if need be. Anything it takes to keep from falling to 0-2 when you know Green Bay and Minnesota will both be 2-0 after the weekend. I am taking Chicago and the points.

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys -3

The opener of the BossHog Bowl on Sunday night will be christened with a Cowboys victory. Its early season Romo and a Giants offense still finding their way. Also Cowboys lack of depth won’t become a problem until injuries start to mount.

Hopefully they have fixed the jumbotron issue with the punts, because that was a disaster for Jerry Jones and an embarrassing way to unveil the new stadium. I like the matchups here at running back in Brandon Jacobs against Marion the Barbarian. Although Dallas looked good at Tampa last weekend, it is tough to pick against the New York Giants. With the return of Osi Umenyiora, the Giants defense looks great, and I have never seen so many no name receivers do just fine week in and week out. The Plaxico saga has finally quieted down, and the Giants seemed to have a sense of calmness in them last week against Washington like they are finally starting fresh post-Plaxico Burress. Eli Manning continues to get better every year, and Brandon Jacobs should still have a monster year despite a slow start. Taking the Giants and the points.

Indianapolis Colts at Miami Dolphins +3

Piss poor showing from Drick’s Fins last week in Atlanta, combined with the fact that I don’t bet against Peyton Manning makes this an easy one. Ignore the inauspicious start last week from the Colts, as a said earlier the AFC South games are always tight and a little bit weird.

Indianapolis is always a tough matchup for anyone, but I think the Dolphins defense can stifle the Colts on Monday night. Indy beat Jacksonville just 14-12 last week at home and they do not seem like they are quite like the old Tony Dungy Colts teams under Jim Caldwell. Even though the Dolphins looked awful last weekend against Atlanta, their defense played well only giving up 19 points after the offense turned the ball over 4 times and the Falcons continuously started drives in Miami territory. Miami had a lot of nice wrinkles that were just poorly executed in Week 1. I expect the Dolphins to use some of the same wrinkles out of the Wildcat to get the ball in the hands of Ted Ginn, Jr. and potentially use QB Pat White at times again. This is also a huge game for Chad Pennington as the Miami faithful are growing restless with performances like Sunday’s. With Anthony Gonzalez out, I think the Colts become more one dimensional at receiver. Yes Reggie Wayne is very good, but he does not scare me as much without a complimentary guy like Gonzalez. Unless Indy can run the ball surprisingly well with Joseph Addai/Donald Brown, I think it will be a long night for the Colts and the Dolphins will get back on track. The Dolphins did a nice job against Michael Turner and I see Addai and Brown as much less of a threat than Turner/Norwood. I think the Dolphins cover in a great performance by their defense, and that will score just enough to win a game in the teens. I take the Dolphins and the points.